Author Topic: Getting braver  (Read 301 times)

Sunny Clouds

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Getting braver
« on: October 06, 2017, 01:01:01 PM »
I've been struggling, as you know, with going out.  I've been getting more and more upset about falling over, or, more to the point, being knocked over.  I also find it very difficult to ask for a seat on buses.

About 3 days ago I went out.  That was when I got an ATM slip and realised I'd got a problem with my ESA and felt distraught.  I got on a local bus and couldn't concentrate to scan fast enough to see which seats might be available and who looked like they might be able and willing to move, so I went up to the back of the bus and fell.  I apologised loudly (and genuinely) saying I'm unsteady and should have asked for a seat near the front.  The passengers played pass-the-parcel to get me to a seat near the front and sort of 'nonchalantly' boxed me in so that I didn't fall off it.

I felt embarassed even though they were all kind.  I struggled to get another bus but yesterday I went out again and caught a bus.  It was crowded but I saw a seat that was empty.  I politely asked a 'hipster' standing in front of it if I could have it and he moved aside with a lovely smile.  I decided to overcome my shyness and hold on to a rail by the seat very firmly with both hands.

Then a woman with a stick got on and moved next to me me looking anxious.  While I was looking round to see whether she was going to take a nearby empty seat or whether I should offer mine, she stumbled.  I flung out an arm to grab her, telling her to hold on.  To my relief she grabbed me.  Then someone the other side of me offered a seat and still holding onto the rail with one hand, I held onto her as she made her way to the seat and sat down.  I asked if she was ok and she said yes.

A bit later, I turned to her when the bus jolted, asking "Ok? Thik hai?" and she nodded and then I realised a man was looking our way and smiling, saying something.  I wasn't sure what.  Then I realised he was sitting in the seat that I'd thought she might take, i.e. he'd sat down after she got on, and that he was saying thank you to me.  When the bus reached the terminus, I looked to see whether she was getting up, about to say "Ji, jaaie.  After you." Then I realised the man who'd said thanks was making his way over to collect her and I left them and got off the bus.

I'm not saying "Look what a  good girl I was."  I'm saying "It really helped me to remember that lots of people feel good about helping others and that they don't generally look down on someone needing help." 

Because of that, when I got on the bus to go back, I felt able to ask a schoolgirl for a seat and she seemed perfectly happy to go up the  back of the bus and she seemed to smile when I told her she was kind.

I'm going to go out again.  If I need help, I shall remember that I felt good helping someone so there'll be others that will feel good helping me.

If only I could tell that woman, wobbly, like me, in both senses, how much of a favour she did me by losing her balance and letting me grab her and by clinging onto me.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2017, 01:14:45 PM »
Quote
I'm not saying "Look what a  good girl I was."  I'm saying "It really helped me to remember that lots of people feel good about helping others and that they don't generally look down on someone needing help." 

 >thumbsup< >hugs<


Quote
If only I could tell that woman, wobbly, like me, in both senses, how much of a favour she did me by losing her balance and letting me grab her and by clinging onto me.

Each occasion you feel able to venture out because of that experience will be a 'thank you' to the woman in question. If that makes sense?  >hugs<

JLR2

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2017, 01:15:50 PM »
 >hugs<

I tend to thank folk who look to help me when I'm out and about as yet I've been lucky enough not to have experienced any bad feeling towards me. Mind you I tend not to go out much in my own neighbourhood.

One thing that your posting minded me of is the typical Glasgow bus drivers attitude towards folk with clear to see disabilities, in that they seem to be oblivious to them. Hardly have you presented, in my case bus pass, and the bus is off hurtling down the road whether or not you have found a seat. In a couple of weeks I'll be heading off to Berlin again and because of my experiences with the busses in Glasgow I'll be using taxis to get from a to b. Actually on my way out to Berlin I really have not a lot of choice about bus or taxi as I'll be carrying, apart from my backpack, the pair of portable 4ft wheelchair ramps I'm taking over to help my friend's Dad get out of the house for doctor appointments and the like.

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2017, 03:41:45 PM »
Quote
If only I could tell that woman, wobbly, like me, in both senses, how much of a favour she did me by losing her balance and letting me grab her and by clinging onto me.

Quote
Each occasion you feel able to venture out because of that experience will be a 'thank you' to the woman in question. If that makes sense?  >hugs<


I know what you both mean  >thumbsup<  >star< >rainbow2< >biggergrin<

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2017, 08:05:54 PM »
What lovely responses to come home to!

I went out again today, feeling even braver.  On the bus, there was a young lad in the wheelchair bay.  I looked at him and thought he could have been anything from 16 - 20, but probably nearer the former.  He had neat, tidy hair and clothes.  He was alone.  He looked confident and at ease.  I don't know whether he felt that way inside, but I could believe he did at least on that day.  He was moving both legs around a bit, but didn't look anxious, as some people do, lest he get those looks that say "Look, he can move his legs, so he doesn't really need a wheelchair."

Again, someone reminding me to walk tall...er...mobilise with confidence.  And you know what?  He looked like the sort of lad who'd be relaxed about a phrase like 'walk tall' in that context.

(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

SteveX

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2017, 08:09:07 PM »
>hugs<>hugs<
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Sunny Clouds

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2017, 08:13:55 PM »
JLR - bus drivers.  I've experimented with ways of moving down a bus safely and found one that worked in two ways, i.e. both as keeping me safer and as sending a visual signal to drivers.  It often works surprisingly well, even on strange bus routes where there's no possibility that the driver knows me.  Once I realised drivers were responding to my body language, I started exaggerating it slightly.

When I get on, I make a show of being slightly unsteady.  I look carefully at the step and put my hands out to the rails.  I make sure to say hello to the driver, which gives him an extra moment to pay attention to the fact I'm using a disabled pass without his feeling I'm being unduly slow.

Then I walk slowly down the aisle of the bus, trying to keep my gait slightly wider than mine usually is, with my arms outstretched moving from rail to rail.  I don't grab the rails.  I started not grabbing because I'm safer just touching, but I realised that if I don't grab, it doesn't look like I'm stopping by the relevant rail. 

But it definitely makes a difference which route it is and how busy the bus is.

What I find terribly difficult is asking the driver to wait for me to sit down before pulling away, but I think maybe sometimes it's the only option.  I shall have to get braver about it. Care to join me with that, JLR?
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Getting braver
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2017, 08:15:26 PM »
Ooh, more hugs while I was typing!  Perfect!

The only thing is that I've got quite a few now, so anyone fancy sharing some? 

 >hugs< >hugs< >hugs<
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)