Author Topic: Trying to fit in  (Read 5924 times)

Prabhakari

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Trying to fit in
« on: December 28, 2012, 10:20:39 PM »
I have been writing in different ways on this messageboard for a reason.

It is not easy to write responses as a Buddhist on boards.
So I have been trying an experiment, writing not as a Buddhist.
I have been driven off one major message board by a group of people who took strong offence when I tried to write, even though I said that it was a personal response only. It did not work. I was accused of telling people how they should live their lives.
I have been called nasty names. It has been painful.

So I have been trying an experiment, not writing as a Buddhist.
I did not want to upset anyone.
This was the reason for creating a Cave. So that people would know what to expect.
I have tried to avoid Buddhism outside it.
It has not worked.
I have been told off more than once.

I wrote as a Buddhist. It caused me pain.
I have now tried not writing as a Buddhist.
It has caused me pain.
This is why many Buddhists have withdrawn from human society, as they too have found it a source of pain.

The 'Kick me' sign is an old comedic device. I first remember seeing it when I was taken to see a pantomime. No-one ever thought that it was going to cause violence. It was just comedy.
I was strongly aware that it might be mis-understood, which is why I tried to say it was not to be taken seriously. Clearly I failed.

So, in order not to upset anyone, I withdraw from writing anything that could be used against me.
The fault is with me for trying the experiment.

I apologise for my error, and hope that I may be forgiven for any offence caused, even though not intended.

Prabhakari.
Bless 'em all, bless 'em all,
The long and the short and the tall.

myrtlemaid

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2012, 11:41:52 PM »
Prab please do continue writing just as you wish when you wish.. you have that right and I for one find what you have to say interesting, sometimes puzzling but almost always thought provoking...

On boards open to anyone you are always going to find people who find fault , are critical, love all you say, love some of what you say, and yes a few who just want to pick away at you.

sometimes its best , at least temporarily when you are feeling low and vulnerable to just ignore people who upset you...you dont HAVE to respond...

I think its a shame you feel that you have to change who you are to fit in ,, I know that feeling and it can destroy your peace..all you need to be is be who you are here , and yes that will sometimes be slightly different from day to day depending on how other things are impacting on you.

I dont see you being here as someone who is a representative of a belief system but as prab who has a certain set of beliefs which he tries to follow. I dont think its fair that people should expect you to be nothing but a bhuddist and you should be allowed like anyone else to have a rant and a joke some days because you are also human and sometimes need to let of steam and let other facets of your personality out.

Maybe theres a thing here tho about learning acceptance .. acceptance without judging yourself or others .. sometimes others will challenge in ways you find hard ..on days when you arent able to fight and argue the toss just accept they disagree, even sometimes that they may seem harsh and without looking for blame for either side just accept it and move on... its another thing that needs practice but maybe its worth a try.
If you have a true and loyal friend you indeed have a goodly share of lifes riches

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2012, 10:21:46 AM »
Prab, it's awful that you feel you have to stop posting.

When you were posting over in Talk about your daily battles with pain, and felt that some of the replies to those posts were becoming too intrusive, I know that some of my responses were of the 'intrusive' variety, and would like to apologise for the offence given to you in that.  When I was growing up people were often frightened to tell those they didn't know well what town they came from, what school they'd attended, or what their surnames might be (even first names were a problem). At that time the threat of violence where I live was very real indeed. I'd hate to think, that having had that experience, I might be responsible for leaving someone else feeling afraid to acknowledge who they are, and what they believe. 

You'd be greatly missed were you to stop posting.

Yvette

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2012, 10:43:00 AM »
Prabs, it is important that you post as *you*.

No-one is expected to, or should,  post in a particular way on this board to 'fit in', as that makes a mockery of truth and being.

The most important thing is to be yourself.

And part of being ourselves is that other people ask us questions, maybe even challenge us, and that is a means of us defining ourselves - for ourselves and others.

We are all different, unique people and part of learning about each other is to asked questions.   So when you are asked questions (as I do frequently), please do not take it as a criticism but as an a genuine desire to find out more.  You yourself have posted how it is important to search for knowledge.  And I completely agree.

I was interested in why you posted the 'Kick Me' game, when you post so differently in 'The Buddhist Cave'.  The two types of posting do not tally up and appear to be so different it puzzled me.

It makes sense now you have explained that you have posted as a Buddhist in the cave, but not as a Buddhist in other posts.  That is why I was confused - because you were not posting as *you*.  You were posting in a way that you thought would 'fit-in' but it just demonstrated how important it is that you post as *yourself*, not as someone trying to fit it.

That other person - the one trying to 'fit-in' is not *you*.    Please be yourself and be happy to be yourself.

Peace with you.

boccius

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2012, 10:46:58 AM »
If you do stop writing, I will miss you greatly, but you must do what is necessary to preserve your integrity (and sanity!)

I adopt a 'persona' when using boards such as these, as I feel that if I revealed too much of myself it could upset people - but that of course is another story.

With metta,

Allen.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2012, 10:54:55 AM »
^^^  What others have said.

Buddhist or non-Buddhist, the reality is that - whatever a person says/posts (any person) it's not going to meet with approval from others 100% of the time; it's by no means a bad reflection on that person, just life as it is, because we are all so diverse in our opinions and interpretations.  If we can 'please 50 per cent of the people 50 per cent of the time', we are in fact doing rather well!  There is absolutely no need for anyone to change the way they post, or have their enjoyment of the message board affected, because they just ran into one of the other 50 per cent that disagree with them! 

I personally enjoyed the 'Kick Me' thread and it wasn't breaking the board's House Rules in any way, shape or form, so that was good enough for me.  Might not have been to everyone's taste, but that's OK too - I'm sure nobody would be unrealistic enough, for instance, to expect every single gag on the Silly Joke thread to get laughs from every single poster.

- Prab (and everyone else, really) - just continue being you, and let others continue being themselves even when they don't see things the same way as you do, and you can't go far wrong  >thumbsup<

seegee

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2012, 11:14:13 AM »
Prabhakari, you don't need to "fit in", just post as whoever you are at the moment of writing. >dove<  That won't be the same every day; mood changes, new thoughts surface, sometimes someone may be too tired to post, other times they may write lots...
As these boards are for disabled people, most of us know that sometimes things aren't always easy. 
I posted on the other thread about "kick me", so won't repeat that here.
A profoundly held religion or belief-system permeates a person's acts, it would take a great imaginative feat to write as something which you are not.  If you are a great writer of fiction, you are probably able to write as a 15th-century tribal elder in South America - otherwise, it's probably best to write as yourself. ;-) >lol< 
You aren't expected to represent Buddhism any more than other board members can be expected to represent their beliefs.  You are, of course, allowed to have good & bad days like all other human beings... write whatever you feel like writing, whenever you can.  You would be missed if you didn't. >bighugs<

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2012, 11:23:49 AM »
Prab,

Quote
So, in order not to upset anyone, I withdraw from writing anything that could be used against me.

Members here may shoot the message but its rare we shoot the messenger. As Kizzy already mentioned no house rules were broken. It was just a joke that did not take, but on the upside the thread has turned into a discussion about how people can vent feelings.

Quote
Prab (and everyone else, really) - just continue being you, and let others continue being themselves even when they don't see things the same way as you do, and you can't go far wrong

 >thumbsup<

Also worth noting is that on message boards like this there are always people who read and dont really post and people who do post that dont read everything, hmmm there is more variety in how people are here, so anyway just be you.

Boccius,

 >hugs< I do appreciate the way you adapt what you post to the type of board Ouch Too is. I myself do sometimes miss the rough and tumble of the type of arguements I had years ago particularily with American libertarians but there are still boards I can go to for that if I had more time to post.


Seegee and others,

Well said  >star< >thumbsup<

Breeze

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2012, 11:30:18 AM »
Myrtle, your comments about acceptance are totally correct.  I've been on many boards which have been like battle grounds.  Some have even been altered or closed for the troubles and fights.  People often have this comment used many times on forums which is, "You wouldn't say that to their face!"  I'm never sure if that is true or not lol.  There always seems to be trouble most especially over race, religion and politics - oh and not forgetting football which seems to bring out the worst in everyone!  Any weakness that is found too brings out bullies i've noticed and us (all of us) on here have that weakness in one way or another with differing health issues.  That has been sussed on some forums with me and i've been punched verbally as a result.

However, i've also made a few acquaintances along the way who i keep in contact with by email (although never see) as i'm sure people have on here.  It is a support board after all, but differerences can occur just the same i guess.

I like Prab, but understand his difficulties and can appreciate those who find it hard to understand also but agree with those who say - be yourself Prab, your Buddhist self or any other self you wish to be.  Be true to who you are as you seem to have support here and i feel i would also like to offer that support to you.   >dove<


Yvette

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #9 on: December 29, 2012, 12:16:34 PM »
Prabs, I shall not reply to any of your posts in future as I have been accused of attacking you. 

Go in peace to post.

Prabhakari

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2012, 01:47:18 PM »
Dear Yvette, have a hug from me.
This is just the usual problem of communication via an imperfect medium.
It has led to something I try desperately to avoid.

Suffering.

I am the cause of this. No other.

Please can we make a new start? Let us care for each other, with all our warts and imperfections. I know that I have got many warts. Does not this prove it? Just because I try to follow in the footsteps of the Buddha, it does not make me a Buddha.

May we all come together in peace and Loving Kindness. Please?    >bighugs<


>rainbow2<   >rainbow2<  >rainbow2<  >rainbow2<  >rainbow2<  >rainbow2<  >rainbow2<
Bless 'em all, bless 'em all,
The long and the short and the tall.

Otter

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #11 on: December 29, 2012, 11:46:37 PM »
big hugs for someone else who doesn't fit in

actually does anyone ever do?

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2012, 10:51:58 AM »
Yvette,

Much of what people have said to Prab about being himself applies to everyone here including you  >hugs<

It is easy for misunderstandings to occur when people can only see the written word.
I dont think anyone thought you were attacking Prab. I actually thought you comments to him led to a good discussion and also Prab thinking about what he posts and why.

People are free to post or not post as they wish.


Yvette

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #13 on: December 30, 2012, 11:14:09 AM »
Thank you Sunshine for saying,

I dont think anyone thought you were attacking Prab. I actually thought you comments to him led to a good discussion and also Prab thinking about what he posts and why.

But I *have* been accused of attacking Prab: 

http://ouchtoo.org/index.php?topic=4814.25#lastPost   #47

Do you not think that would help this human being more than attacking him? ........
Buddhists would be the first to offer help to you Yvette in your pain, not attack you for how you choose to handle it......
I'm finding attacking of other posters in this way distressing so will leave this site for now to protect my own health.......


I posted in reply:  #48

I have removed my post, even though it was *not* an attack.  Simply an explanation of my feelings.

To prevent any further discord from*anyone* I posted in this thread (above) and reiterate:


Prabs, I shall not reply to any of your posts in future as I have been accused of attacking you. 

Go in peace to post.

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Trying to fit in
« Reply #14 on: December 30, 2012, 11:40:30 AM »
Yvette,

Thank you for bringing me up to date, I had not realised there were posts on another thread that are connected to the discussion here.  I am sorry that I missed those posts and made an incorrect statement.

Posts #55 and #56 cover it well  >hugs< I did not see what you said in the message that you later deleted but it does sound like it was along the lines of something I was also worried and wondering about in regard to Prab. I will add my thoughts to that thread.

 >bighugs<