Author Topic: Mother is in a nursing home  (Read 899 times)

auntieCtheM

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Mother is in a nursing home
« on: October 20, 2017, 09:23:55 PM »
I am a bit distracted at the moment.  My Mother seems to have had a small heart attack, got taken to hospital and then after a couple of days decided she was better and discharged herself.  Then she went shopping at the Coop and luckily they realised that something was not right so someone phoned social services.  They assessed her as having delirium and she was taken to a nursing home, where she is now.

My Mother lives a long way from me.  So I am having to make various arrangements to go and stay in the area of said nursing home - which is a long way from her flat.  Somewhere to stay, someone to drive me up there and stay to ferry me around, pets into a holiday home, meetings with social services and decisions as to what to do with her to ensure she is safe and looked after.

So excuse me if I am a bit off and on for a while.

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2017, 09:44:10 PM »
 >bighugs< >chocolate<

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2017, 09:59:38 PM »
 >bighugs< >bighugs<

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2017, 01:59:27 PM »
Auntie,

Hugs  >heart<

My Mum and Dad lived near my sisters when they became too ill to care for themselves, but I still remember what it was like knowing I needed someone to drive me up north and drive me around etc,
I hope their are people who are able to give you the help you need.


auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2017, 08:19:14 PM »
Unfortunately there are no relatives to help out.  Mine is one of those families where everyone stopped talking to each other over a couple of generations.  So I have no idea where cousins might be.  There is just me to do this.

It will be worse when it is my turn to need a nursing home.  Let us hope that there will be a national health service and social services still up and running then.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2017, 09:19:06 PM »
Hopefully it will turn out that mother is in the best place for her current needs - in the meantime, make sure you look after yourself as best you can, auntie  >hugs<

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2017, 05:04:51 PM »
The main problem is that the nursing home is temporary.  It is being paid for by the social services at the moment.  Open to discussion when I get up there is who pays for what and with what.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2017, 06:10:54 PM »
NHS continuing care maybe worth trying for?

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2017, 10:20:01 PM »
What is that Sunny?

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2017, 11:40:35 PM »
I'm not sure if it works everywhere.  I only know about England and I'm not sure where your mother is.  I had thought of North as in North of England, without stopping to wonder if you meant  Scotland.  If it's England, this is how it works.  If not, ignore it.

Basically, care homes/nursing homes & home care/nursing & funding in England (if not there, you'd need to see if it's similar where you are).

Care as in social care is paid for by social services or by the person needing care.  This can include some nursing care.  However, if the primary care need is nursing care, i.e. health care, the NHS pays.

It's called NHS continuing care.  Like social care, there's not enough funding for the number of people needing it, but it's basically a tick-box exercise, so if you download the forms (which are fairly easy to find), you can work through them and make your case.  (Think ESA/DLA/PIP/AA but vaguer.)

It's dealt with via CCGs, who typically cluster together to organise it, but the referral has to be made via either a health professional or a social worker.  The health professional doesn't have to argue the case, so a GP may be willing to refer if they think it'll save them lots of call-outs.

NHS continuing care funding can also be used for care at home.  It would, I think, be more commonly used for working age people like that.

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2017, 12:21:59 AM »
Thanks Sunny.  No doubt I will have to learn a lot of details about the system.  At the moment the social worker says that Mother is a bit better but not well enough to go home and have carers visiting.  I will find out more when I go to visit; is that social care or health care I wonder.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2017, 10:02:13 AM »
Quite frankly, short term it doesn't matter what sort of funding she gets so long as she's somewhere, and to use a phrase I've used elsethread, if all else fails 'granny dump' her in hospital.  It's an awful thing to suggest, and people shouldn't need to, but number one priority is your mother.

Then there's the longer term situation.  If someone decides she's well enough to go home with care, they'll all probably argue it's social care and offer either 15min/day or 2x15min/day.

If she needs to stay in care, then it's down to whether you can persuade anyone to pay, but NHS is better than social if she's got savings/a house, because you don't pay for it, whereas you pay for social care over a certain threshold (which disabled people needing care will have personal experience of).  (Dad had personal care and he paid for his own, but then I couldn't even get social services to assess him and he had a good income.)

Even if this all seems pretty irrelevant now because she perks up soon and goes home, now's the time to do your homework on it.

I really, really wish that with Dad I'd had more support.  Quite frankly, I had very little.  I'm disgusted by how little.  So if you need support, consider demanding it.  I'm not being funny, but look ahead long term.  If you're not local, you need to get the ball rolling so you're not wondering whether you should be upping sticks and moving, which you don't have to.

I gave more of my life to Dad than I should have done, particularly in the early stages.  You only ever know with hindsight and you can never be certain.  I'm hoping you'll be more savvy than I was not just about getting help but about persuading your mother to accept help from others. 


auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2017, 07:32:46 PM »
Persuading my Mother to accept help is going to be very difficult.  I would be happy to accept help because there is no way I can get to her easily or quickly.  Also there is no way I could look after her in my own home.

Thanks for the tip about trying to get NHS to pay rather than social care. The social services lady said that if she does get social care they do not pay the whole bill for a nursing home, I/Mother would have to pay hundreds per week on top. 

Sunny, did you get Lasting Power of Attorney?  Is it a very long-winded process do you know?  Where do the forms come from?

Thank you so much for being there for me. *hug*

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2017, 07:52:02 PM »
I got both sorts of LPA and registered them.  It wasn't difficult.  We used a solicitor, but the forms are specified by legislation, so you don't have to draft anything, just fill them in, get your mother to sign them, and send them off to the Office of the Public Guardian.  Personally I thought it was worth getting a solicitor to do them to save the possibility of mistakes that could be a nuisance later. 

A warning - depending on which bits your mother signs off on, they can be valid either straight away or only if she loses mental capacity.  If they're valid straight away, when you need them, you don't have to prove she's lost capacity, which may also save you some hassle.

I made sure I got certified copies from a solicitor, which cost a bit, but was worth it.  One high street bank lost a page of one, and another bank lost two complete certified copies.  A hospital had a copy of the health and welfare one but never gave it back.  I carried copies everywhere in my bag so I'd got them when needed, but then I'm a bit obsessive about carrying the basics everywhere anyway (like my passport and the cost of a couple of nights in a hotel etc.) having once been in a fire.  A tip - get the solicitor to certify copies in a different colour such as blue, not in black.  I say that after someone in a high street bank refused to accept that a certified copy wasn't simply a photocopy, repeating like an automated parrot "But it's a photocopy!".  (Cue weary sigh.)


auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2017, 08:39:13 PM »
Where do the forms come from?  I'm going to stay nearby the nursing home within days and will be there over the weekend.  So if I can pick up the forms from somewhere and take them with me it would give me peace of mind.

She did lose mental capacity - she was delusional when they took her in - but it seems it is back.  But it could go again just as quickly I expect.