Author Topic: Mother is in a nursing home  (Read 899 times)

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #30 on: November 03, 2017, 08:31:48 PM »
Thank you for the hugs.

Mother is going home on Tuesday.  It was the classic dilemma. Mother was being quiet and not asking for anything and keeping to her room because she did not want to be a bother to them.  Meanwhile they were waiting for her to leave her room and join other people in activities, go for a walk and so on before they would let her go home.  She was desperate to go home but did not ask them what she should do to make it happen.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #31 on: November 03, 2017, 09:31:24 PM »
As she's returning to her home, is there any sort of 'outside' assistance planned for her so that it doesn't all fall on you?

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #32 on: November 03, 2017, 11:02:11 PM »
She has been offered visits by a dementia nurse (without telling her the job title) but knowing my mother she will not answer the door to them.  They cannot phone her due to the deafness.

It cannot fall on me as I am too far away and cannot drive myself all the way there. I think that she will keep going until she gets too ill to manage on her own again.

Thank you for being concerned.

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #33 on: November 13, 2017, 07:01:35 PM »
Oh dear.  It is two weeks since Mother was supposed to be going back home and I have heard nothing.  Nothing from her (though I gave her a card and envelope, stamp and a pen and asked her to write to me) and nothing from social services. I will write her a card tomorrow and hope that she gets it.

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #34 on: November 13, 2017, 07:36:18 PM »
 >hugs<

I could be as simply as the card got lost int the post.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #35 on: November 13, 2017, 09:09:37 PM »
When Dad sank into dementia, I basically dropped everything and ran, revolving my life round his.  Partly that was an inadequacy on my part, and gradually I learnt a lot about myself helping him, but I really think he'd have got better outside help if I hadn't picked up the pieces so often.

I can't remember whether I've mentioned the time when early on, after he'd had an episode, the hospital discharge team sent him home in an ambulance, and he was parked in a chair unable to stand or walk unaided.

Whilst clearing out my computer I found the other day a couple of desperate messages I'd posted online whilst trying to work out what to do with him.  He fell over six times when I tried to get him on his feet and up to bed.  In the end, with  me helping, he crawled there on his hands and knees.  A man with dementia in his eighties who, incidentally, had recently had joint replacement surgery following multiple fractures occasioned when he fell because he had a brain episode whilst walking.   I managed to get him back in hospital.  But in all seriousness, if I hadn't gone with him when they discharged him, they'd have found it harder to leave him and probably would have had to notify his GP or the district nurse, there'd probably have been a follow-up visit, and they'd probably have done a lot more to help him.

I did what seemed right at the time, but what I'm trying, in my usual longwinded way, to say is that I suspect that there are times when you actually achieve more by doing less.  In other words, don't let not being able to be there and sort everything guilt trip you.

auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #36 on: November 15, 2017, 08:13:07 PM »
Social worker was on holiday until today, so I was able to get an update.  I am so relieved.  My Mother is letting a local social worker in to talk to her and sort out her house electrics.  The Red Cross are taking her shopping once a week, and so all is well.  I then phoned this local social worker and gave her a few tips and hints on how to deal with my (now) stubborn and negative mother and she listened to me and said she would do a couple of things I asked her to organise.

Phew!  I was a bit anxious about how she was going to manage but I am more relaxed about it all now.  Thank you for listening folks.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #37 on: November 15, 2017, 09:29:44 PM »
 >biggrin< >thumbsup<

SunshineMeadows

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #38 on: November 16, 2017, 04:13:25 PM »
 >rainbow2< >star< >dove< >chocolate< >hatandscarf<

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #39 on: November 16, 2017, 07:18:35 PM »
Relaxed?  With parents?  Nah.  You think you've got 'em sorted, and then another problem comes along like Christmas or dying or their mobile phone not working or something.    >devil<


auntieCtheM

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Re: Mother is in a nursing home
« Reply #40 on: November 16, 2017, 09:02:32 PM »
 >lol<