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Welfare Rights / Re: Refused home visit requested
« Last post by SteveX on May 21, 2018, 08:10:51 PM »
My thoughts are with you, Fiz and Kizzy.  >bighugs<
Welfare Rights / Re: Refused home visit requested
« Last post by Fiz on May 21, 2018, 07:28:07 AM »
Warning, mentions SH.

I spent a long time with a paramedic and student paramedic last night (don't ask) who at first suggested I phone around the local funeral homes and go anyway to see fil but once realising xh is the cause of the PTSD and could harm me but more likely take his anger out on the children she said not. She suggested writing fil a letter saying all the things that I would love to have said to him during the last 10 years if I'd been allowed to see him. That'll be a painful exercise but might reduce the hurt I feel over being prevented by my xh to have any contact with fil. We also talked about getting something to commemorate him and I've wondered if I could find someone who makes personalised garden knomes. If I can I'd like one with a Saints shirt on with fil's name on the back. Fil loved football and had a Saints season ticket for many years until he was too ill to go. So I've some ideas for things to do at a set point. I need to be calmer and less raw than the pain is now though. The paramedic was so lovely though, spending a long time talking to me about things that would help me process the death and deal with the grief, long after she'd finished what she was here for.

I said I feel guilty for the cost to the NHS as the dressings I'm prescribed are expensive. She said I must never feel guilty for using what I need plus I've saved the NHS money by not going to hospital and I also save NHS money because I remove my own sutures and don't see a nurse. How come people have an ability to always be positive?
Cafe / Re: Sailing yachts around the world.
« Last post by Prabhakari on May 21, 2018, 01:23:31 AM »
Powerful stern wind; more than 30 knots.
Big, following seas, lots of spray.
Nearing Tasmania.
I agree.

In fact, before smoking became verging on taboo, people used to use smoking as part of weight loss programmes.  I don't mean officially, but certainly openly.

I do not want to inhale other people's smoke, but then they probably don't want to smell my food. 

Gosh, I'm ranty at the moment!
Welfare Rights / Re: Refused home visit requested
« Last post by ally on May 20, 2018, 07:30:48 PM »
Wait a few days until funeral is over, then, put flowers on his grave, or, in memorial garden.  You don't need to put name on card to say who flowers are from.  In that way, you're paying your respects without repucussions, or, confrontation.  Alternatively, plant something in your garden for rememberance.  These ones mean innocence in the soul of the departed, they're associated with funerals.   A rose tree, daffodils, tulips,lilies or  hydrangea.  >rose<
Disability Q and A / Re: incontinence wear
« Last post by Fiz on May 20, 2018, 06:27:18 PM »
Thanks I will definitely look for some, they seem ideal.
Welfare Rights / Re: Refused home visit requested
« Last post by Fiz on May 20, 2018, 06:25:50 PM »
I've spent a lot of the day in tears. I accepted that it was better that I didn't attend the funeral, my ex is incredibly angry, controlling and abusive and is the cause of my PTSD and he's convinced his relatives that I and the children have wronged him in some way, probably to illicit sympathy which is a strong need of his. My children have not had so much as a happy birthday said on their Facebook page from close relatives of my ex so I think that is best avoided for everyone's sake, mine included. But this morning I asked dd which funeral home fil is in and she asked why. I said that I'd like to go and see him in the chapel of rest to say my goodbyes and bring some closure and dd said no, that wouldn't be appropriate. That hurt. But I've been texting my unofficial foster Mum and she's helped me realise that when I last saw fil ten years ago he had dementia and was confused but he was physically well and he knew who everybody was and he loved socialising. But since then the progression of the dementia had left him not knowing anyone not even the slightest recognition but worst of all over this last year fil refused his meals adamant that he'd already eaten. I think he's a third of the weight of when I last saw him and dd posted a photo on Facebook of fil's hand in hers and the hand is skeletal. So it's better that I remember the man I last saw. I think there is a consensus that I should find a way of commemorating and celebrating his life on my own but I can't think of anything. I'm not the light a candle type person. So I shall have to think of some way that I feel right, remembering him.

My children have no clue why I'm upset as I have hardly seen him, I did chat to him at ds2's wedding in 2003 which was nice though this was spotted and xh dragged him away. I've put a post on Facebook saying how much I will always love and miss him with a photo when he was out with my family with a big smile on his face. My children may be cross as it seems to be inappropriate for me to be grieving but I'm leaving the post there as it's the least I can do. It's been a painful day and I think some sort of commemoration would help. If I can think of something.
I have a feeling your right with that  Kizzy. :-(
Welfare Rights / Re: Refused home visit requested
« Last post by ally on May 20, 2018, 01:35:32 PM »
I think the same as Kizzy.  I'm sorry for your loss, but, if you want to pay your respects to your FIL, then, that's entirely up to you.  As said before, I'm not you.  However, I wouldn't allow anyone dictate to me what I could, or, could not do.  Do what you feel is best for you.  >hugs<
Disability Q and A / Re: incontinence wear
« Last post by Frances on May 20, 2018, 12:15:20 PM »
I buy mine from Amazon. The price varies as they have several suppliers I just check each time I order which is cheapest. If you do amazon prime you can get an extra 15% off when you order with some suppliers.
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