Author Topic: When you offer advice  (Read 2210 times)

Sunny Clouds

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When you offer advice
« on: August 04, 2012, 02:10:36 AM »
Sometimes I say I'm struggling and people offer advice and it must be frustrating if you think I'm ignoring the advice.  But I follow more of the advice than it seems and even if I don't do what you suggest, I often modify your suggestion and do that.

I bet others do too.

Let's keep throwing out ideas for one another.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Becca7

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2012, 12:37:32 PM »
I know what you mean and im sure others do too. For me i tend to exhaust my ideas first then ask, however people can then suggest what i have tried already and may feel frustrated when i say ive done it (my phone limits my characters so cant list what done). There are things i wont do others will. This is the internet we dont know everything about posters lives whats happened/is happening and people should realise that though its easier said than done sometimes.

Prabhakari

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2012, 01:30:55 PM »
When people offer advice to me, I know that it is because they care.
Their advice may not be something I can use, but that is only because they only know a person by what they write on a messageboard.

It can be hard to explain everything in detail.

I would rather know that others care about me, even if their advice cannot be used.

With metta (loving kindness) to all who try to help. Prabhakari.   >wheelchair<
Bless 'em all, bless 'em all,
The long and the short and the tall.

Sofie

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2012, 01:49:19 PM »
Their advice may not be something I can use, but that is only because they only know a person by what they write on a messageboard.

It might be something that someone else can use.

Dark_Divinity

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2012, 04:59:32 PM »
Sometimes I say I'm struggling and people offer advice and it must be frustrating if you think I'm ignoring the advice.  But I follow more of the advice than it seems and even if I don't do what you suggest, I often modify your suggestion and do that.

I bet others do too.

Let's keep throwing out ideas for one another.

Like virtual livestock, just keep throwing them until the person is buried...
Lolz. >lol<
July 2017- Autism Spectrum Condition.

June 2012 -Hypothyroidism.

Monic1511

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2012, 06:04:12 PM »
I have to offer advice as part of my job & the only time I get visibly frustrated is when I tell someone the are due extra benefits and they refuse to claim because they are scared of the consequences. >angry<   I then have to write a big speel to explain to my boss why the lady /Gentleman are 57 worse off and won't do anything to claim their entitlement. 

I try not to get mad at them but have to remember its their choice, the boss sometimes quotes "you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink" at me, which doesn't make me feel better much but if I see the people again I try different tactics.

Monic

Becca7

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2012, 07:33:39 PM »
Monic ive been one of those people to my local CAB. My issue is i cant afford to risk a penny of my income, its okay for the advisor to tell me i would win on appeal if turned down for HRC/HRM but im not willing to risk my current DLA. Especially given some involved in my care dont want me on DLA at all and view it as encouraging disability (i dont get that either!!). Ive been advised to try, but it isnt worth the risk for me - im on my own and cant potentially make up that money to meet need even if CAB say id win an appeal. Most advisors realise that but some dont. I explain, but maybe others dont - even more frustrating then! 

devine63

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2012, 12:38:35 AM »
Thank you for starting this thread, SUnny.  We appreciate the thoughtfulness!    >bighugs<

Monic: oh boy do I know that feeling!!!!!   >angry< >devil<

On behalf of those of us who tend to respond to descriptions of difficult situations with advice:  please don't imagine that we are ignoring your distress - we are not.   >bighugs<

 Some of us have an especially practical, problem solving approach to things, we may not always remember to acknowledge aloud the emotional distress, but we do notice it.   We do understand you may have tried some, or even all, of the things we suggest, but as Sofie says there may be others who can benefit from the idea, even if you cannot (and most of our threads are read by many more people than respond to them).   And even if you have tried everything, at least you know (as Prab said) that others care enough about YOU to take the time to write a reply.  And to go back to where Sunny started - if one of our ideas triggers a different solution for you that actually works, then fantastic!!!

regards, Deb

KizzyKazaer

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2012, 11:28:57 AM »
On behalf of those of us who tend to respond to descriptions of difficult situations with advice:  please don't imagine that we are ignoring your distress - we are not.   >bighugs<

 Some of us have an especially practical, problem solving approach to things, we may not always remember to acknowledge aloud the emotional distress, but we do notice it. 


A point well made, Deb - and to add to that, some of us may not be forthcoming very often with cyber-hugs, but it doesn't mean we feel any less empathy.  (I'm not a huggy type in public, but I can still appreciate how the gesture can give comfort at trying times.)

ditchdwellers

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2012, 01:25:39 PM »
I would like to add how much I appreciate the time and effort that people take to respond to queries, questions and discussions.  The results of which are often stored away in my mind for a time when I may need to refer to that advice, sometimes many months later.  By that time, I have often forgotten who provided that particular morsel of information and am therefore not able to thank the contributors at that point.
So I will use this time to thank you all  >hugs<


Becca7

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2012, 02:14:34 PM »
I do appreciate the help and support i get. Even if i dont always say thankyou.

Monic1511

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2012, 03:14:02 PM »
Becca
I don't normally advise people to risk their current awards as I know too well that you can lose the lot, I sometimes spend the first 10 minutes trying to talk someone out of pursuing a supersession when I think they don't merit the higher award.  I think its cos I see the welfare rights officers coming back frustrated cos someone's been turned down when we think they meet the critieria. I then need to record "client warned of risk to current award but wished to proceed, concerned as currently does not seem to meet the high rate mob criteria"   when they come back in 3 - 4 months time to do an appeal they can be very sheepish.

Im thinking more of pensioner couples both on AA, so due 2 severe disbility premiums, 2 carers premiums which would get them guaranteed pension credit and then full rent rebate, council tax benefit.

Deb - your point is brilliant and very true,  I tend to berate myself for not being sympathetic enough, when someone starts crying I try to calm them down, hand them the tissues and continue with the form, it seems cold hearted but Im not really - its my practical side just says deal with the form - I'll deal with the tears later.

 >hugs<
monic

Becca7

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #12 on: August 05, 2012, 05:00:13 PM »
I see, thanks monic. I didnt mean to imply you would expect people to risk awards although its happened to me hope you didnt think i meant that!

Monic1511

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #13 on: August 05, 2012, 06:20:20 PM »
Becca
don't worry - i know you were not meaning that, just explaining why I come across as a frustrated nag to some people  >lol< :-)
Monic

auntieCtheM

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Re: When you offer advice
« Reply #14 on: August 05, 2012, 10:20:59 PM »
As someone has pointed out - the advice I give is not necessarily meant solely for the person I am addressing.  Who knows who is reading this.  Hopefully the advice will help many readers too.

 >hugs<