Not using all my evidence - very hard

[Sunny Clouds]

I'm making a formal request for mandatory reconsideration of my PIP decision and I'm about to seal the envelope to take to the post office later today.

I've decided not to use all the extra supporting evidence, but to hold some back for tribunal.  It doesn't tell them anything extra, just backs it up.

I hate this.  I had to draft and re-draft and re-draft my request to come up with a letter that was fairly short (but not as short as it should have been) and not distraught.  I can be calm when doing paperwork for others but struggle enormously difficult to stay calm when doing it for myself. 

So not using all my evidence feels inadequate, and I feel guilty towards those that sent me stuff that I haven't used, but it also lets me be picky about what's most useful.  I really, really wish I found this sort of stuff easier.

I'm just feeling fairly pleased with myself though, because as I came to the end of the last paragraph, I realised that whilst I came here to seek reassurance that I was doing the right thing, I actually feel a bit stronger and that it's ok to be telling you what I'm doing not asking you what to do.

But no, I'm not crediting the blasted government with making me stronger by making the system harder, because this is just a matter of climbing part way back to where I was before they sent me the PIP application forms and I sat there for hour after hour, day after day, week after week describing in detail all my deficiencies whilst reminiscing with an elderly relative about their successful career.  The contrast was ill-timed to say the least and has torn me apart.

[Fiz]

 

It sounds like you've pushed through adversity sunny, well done 

[Sunny Clouds]

Thank you.

I posted the letter then caught a bus to supermarket.  I barely got on the  bus before I found myself in tears.  I did some shopping but the tears are coming and going.

What had left me in tears was the man behind the counter in the sub-post office who, when I said it was a benefits appeal and they'd probably turn me down but I wanted to make sure they couldn't say they hadn't got it, looked sympathetic.  However, when I said that recently the judge in charge of the tribunal service got all the judges that were in on a particular day to go through what he described as a 'wall' of case files and they found that in 60% of them, the DWP had no case to answer, the person claiming benefits had a cut and dried case for them.

He looked a bit shocked but then said something about how the people that don't deserve the benefits get them, not those that do, and I said that statistically those that are cheating are a tiny number.  I pointed out that he couldn't tell by looking at me that I have bipolar disorder, he doesn't see me on the bad days when I'm hiding behind drawn curtains, he doesn't see the physical damage to my pancreas, eyes, bladder etc. caused by my medication.  I could see from the response that he took on board what I'm on about.

That's my little effort for the day.  I'm going to set myself a target of number of people a week to 'convert' to the truth.  Not opinion, truth.

Meanwhile, assuming I'll need to appeal, I'm already looking at the forms for that.  Quite frankly, emotionally I'd rather give up, but I want to fight alongside other disabled people.  Every extra case one is another statistic to shame the government.  They've got no sense of shame, but the higher the numbers, the harder they are to hide.

And I've promised myself that by Sunday I'll have drawn up a list of possible further sources of evidence.  Sod the DWP.  Sod the government.

I know I'm unusual in seeing the 'nasties' in parliament as an odd mixture of nasty by nature, and irresponsible and weirdly idealist, but it's days like today that I can sit on a bus, tears rolling down my cheeks, and know that there are also politicians and those pulling their strings that are either psychopathic and unable to empathise, or evil.  I don't pretend to be sure which politicians are which.

[Monic1511]

Hi Sunny Clouds

Well done in working through the paperwork.
Its the usual take one day at a time and if that's too hard then just from one hour to the next.
Take care
Monic

[Sunny Clouds]

Thanks, Monic.

[Sunshine Meadows]

 

Sorry I am late I had allsorts of stuff going on, I will say more on another thread.

I know what you mean about how the whole process makes you feel, after all it is hard enough to get along with identifying ourselves as sick and disabled in the first place.

I have a feeling you will get a good result from the reconsideration. Try to live your life as you are waiting for news and not spiral off, hmm there that makes two of us giving advice to another that we cant necessarily do ourselves. I still have not had the 'papers' fall through the letter box, and am considering volunteering for 'call up' to get it over with 

More