Refused home visit requested

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Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 19 May 2018 09:03AM
Yes I think you're right,  I should just wait. Nothing I can do before the DWP letter arrives can change anything and if it's not a good result that'll only upset me having to wait for the DWP letter before I can respond. The assessor said that it's a 4 week wait for the DWP letter but often comes sooner. I'm thinking she's giving fairly sure guidelines because she knows how long it takes her to get the full report to the DWP.  Results may get from a home assessor to the DWP faster than from an assessment centre where there are a few assessors. I'm only guessing, it's just she seemed sure of the time line and she said that without me asking. Time will tell. I'll certainly not be watching for the postman for a couple more weeks at the earliest. Sometimes I can't pick the post up because it's too painful. I might bite the bullet and try and ask someone to pick it up and hand it to me if I can't do it.

I am feeling really low. I suspect it's a fallout reaction to the stress of the assessment.

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 20 May 2018 03:41AM
My father in law died peacefully at yesterday morning. My children don't want me at the funeral saying it would be too awkward. I'm sure they don't realise how close I was to him, they just see me as not a blood  relative so assume I won't feel the same.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 20 May 2018 11:59AM
Sending my condolences, Fiz - and you should certainly attend the funeral if that's what you really want to do.  Who do your children think they are, to try and dissuade you from going?! It's not a decision for them.  Any 'awkwardness' will be their problem.  Not yours.

ally

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 20 May 2018 01:35PM
I think the same as Kizzy.  I'm sorry for your loss, but, if you want to pay your respects to your FIL, then, that's entirely up to you.  As said before, I'm not you.  However, I wouldn't allow anyone dictate to me what I could, or, could not do.  Do what you feel is best for you.  >hugs<

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 20 May 2018 06:25PM
I've spent a lot of the day in tears. I accepted that it was better that I didn't attend the funeral, my ex is incredibly angry, controlling and abusive and is the cause of my PTSD and he's convinced his relatives that I and the children have wronged him in some way, probably to illicit sympathy which is a strong need of his. My children have not had so much as a happy birthday said on their Facebook page from close relatives of my ex so I think that is best avoided for everyone's sake, mine included. But this morning I asked dd which funeral home fil is in and she asked why. I said that I'd like to go and see him in the chapel of rest to say my goodbyes and bring some closure and dd said no, that wouldn't be appropriate. That hurt. But I've been texting my unofficial foster Mum and she's helped me realise that when I last saw fil ten years ago he had dementia and was confused but he was physically well and he knew who everybody was and he loved socialising. But since then the progression of the dementia had left him not knowing anyone not even the slightest recognition but worst of all over this last year fil refused his meals adamant that he'd already eaten. I think he's a third of the weight of when I last saw him and dd posted a photo on Facebook of fil's hand in hers and the hand is skeletal. So it's better that I remember the man I last saw. I think there is a consensus that I should find a way of commemorating and celebrating his life on my own but I can't think of anything. I'm not the light a candle type person. So I shall have to think of some way that I feel right, remembering him.

My children have no clue why I'm upset as I have hardly seen him, I did chat to him at ds2's wedding in 2003 which was nice though this was spotted and xh dragged him away. I've put a post on Facebook saying how much I will always love and miss him with a photo when he was out with my family with a big smile on his face. My children may be cross as it seems to be inappropriate for me to be grieving but I'm leaving the post there as it's the least I can do. It's been a painful day and I think some sort of commemoration would help. If I can think of something.

ally

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 20 May 2018 07:30PM
Wait a few days until funeral is over, then, put flowers on his grave, or, in memorial garden.  You don't need to put name on card to say who flowers are from.  In that way, you're paying your respects without repucussions, or, confrontation.  Alternatively, plant something in your garden for rememberance.  These ones mean innocence in the soul of the departed, they're associated with funerals.   A rose tree, daffodils, tulips,lilies or  hydrangea.  >rose<

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 21 May 2018 07:28AM
Warning, mentions SH.

I spent a long time with a paramedic and student paramedic last night (don't ask) who at first suggested I phone around the local funeral homes and go anyway to see fil but once realising xh is the cause of the PTSD and could harm me but more likely take his anger out on the children she said not. She suggested writing fil a letter saying all the things that I would love to have said to him during the last 10 years if I'd been allowed to see him. That'll be a painful exercise but might reduce the hurt I feel over being prevented by my xh to have any contact with fil. We also talked about getting something to commemorate him and I've wondered if I could find someone who makes personalised garden knomes. If I can I'd like one with a Saints shirt on with fil's name on the back. Fil loved football and had a Saints season ticket for many years until he was too ill to go. So I've some ideas for things to do at a set point. I need to be calmer and less raw than the pain is now though. The paramedic was so lovely though, spending a long time talking to me about things that would help me process the death and deal with the grief, long after she'd finished what she was here for.

I said I feel guilty for the cost to the NHS as the dressings I'm prescribed are expensive. She said I must never feel guilty for using what I need plus I've saved the NHS money by not going to hospital and I also save NHS money because I remove my own sutures and don't see a nurse. How come people have an ability to always be positive?

SteveX

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 21 May 2018 08:10PM
My thoughts are with you, Fiz and Kizzy.  >bighugs<
Member of POMMAS

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 23 May 2018 10:30AM
I had a text this morning from the DWP saying they've received my consultation report and that I should hear from them within 4 weeks. The message says meanwhile do not contact them unless there's a change of circumstances. Now they have it, I can't see why it would take ages to make a decision, it's not like they're going to spend days reading it?

Good to know it's there though.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 23 May 2018 03:49PM
It takes time because of staff cutbacks, so it's sitting in an in-tray or in-box somewhere.  I struggle to cope with the DWP but when I come close to the end of my tether, I thank my lucky stars I don't have to work there.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Monic1511

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 23 May 2018 08:08PM
Hi Fiz

the text message is their way of saying we have all the documents received in our mail, we have scanned documents to the decision maker.  What they don't say is that there are probably 4 decision makers for about 20 different postcodes. 
As Sunny says I am glad I don't work at the dwp and there is very little chance that I would have to work there.   My friend works there and says there are 4 staff to deal with all the direct deductions for London,  its no wonder they go off sick, 

Try and put it aside and focus on your own health and dealing with the grief.
 >bighugs< >dove<
Monic

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 24 May 2018 08:21AM
Thank you. Someone advised me to request a copy of the assessor's report so I've done that. That should arrive 2 weeks before the DWP letter.

My council has announced today that they are just about to start changing all qualifying benefit claimants over to UC. I'm planning on requesting my housing benefit continue to be paid directly to my LA due to my mental health problems and difficulties managing money. How else will it affect me? Am I right in thinking PIP isn't part of UC?

If I request that my HB is paid directly to the LA, then the money I receive should be the same as I'm receiving from my IR ESA? Including the supplements added to it? Or will the change over to UC mean that I will be receiving less money?

Sorry to switch to a different subject entirely, it was just a bit of a shock to find out today that my county is now switching everyone over to UC and I haven't a clue how that will affect me.

I can provide plenty of evidence that I need my HB to be paid directly to the LA.

Monic1511

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 24 May 2018 07:48PM
FIz
I think you need to get advice from CAB - Its not the council that moves you over to UC but the DWP and they are not transferring existing claimants to UC.   
I will have to hunt for transitional rules which is why I say contact CAB. 

UC replaces Income related ESA, JSA, working tax credits, child tax credits and housing benefit.   You only make a New claim to UC if your current award to one of those benefits ends,  to close your housing benefit claim the council would need to show you have no entitlement to housing benefit which is not true as you are still entitled to one of the previous.

1st There is no housing benefit - its called housing element and is automatically paid to the claimant. - they will only consider direct managed payments after the claimant gets into arrears.

2nd The council cannot make a claim for UC on your behalf and as long as you do not change benefits (ie stop your ESA & start work) they cannot close your ESA claim and force you onto UC

3rd IF you have a change in benefit - your ESA claim closing - YOU would need to make a claim for universal credit.

4th IF you claim UC you will get less money than if you were transitioned onto UC by the DWP.

Lastly your council cannot stop processing claims for housing benefit unless you live in the only council area with NO Pension age people.   Only people of working age can claim UC
Sounds like the council is spinning a pile of turds - typical tory I presume.

sorry but misinformation by biased authorities really pisses me off.
Monic

Fiz

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 26 May 2018 07:43AM
I must look for the notice they posted and reread it. The notice was by the county council rather than my local authority who deal with housing benefit and council tax benefit. I guess there'll be redundancies in the benefits department when UC come in.

bub1

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Re: Refused home visit requested

  • on: 31 May 2018 09:18PM
How are you holding up Fiz?
Any news yet?