I am "cursed"

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lankou

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I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 09:19AM
My mother, (a terrible woman, told people the truth even when it hurt,) often said "we should have (expletive deleted,) Samaritans written over the front door." The was due to people with dire problems knocking the front door asking for help despite them knowing my mother was a terrible woman and they would be told some home truths but also helped if at all possible.

Unfortunately I appear to have inherited my mothers characteristics and attract waif and strays with serious personal problems who need help or advice or home truths.
The latest instance was a young lady coming out to me with some serious personal medical problems in front of her current boyfriend.
(If that doesn't scare him off he must be a decent young man.)

I can understand her not wanting to discuss matters with her mother as her mother is in recovery (so far) from cancer.

What I can't understand is why she picked on a me to unload her problems, and not a woman.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 10:46AM
Lankou - I was the same years ago, the permanent 'listening ear', but stopped that when my own mental health was in decline.  Sometimes you have to put Numero Uno first - if needy people are draining your emotional resources and your time, they require some steering elsewhere...but only you know how much you can put up with!

As for why they turn to you as a man, you obviously have one of those 'kind faces'  :-)


Fiz

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 03:30PM
Wow lankou how awkward. If it's a situation that has occurred more than once before it might be worth writing out on credit card sized cardboard two or three helpline names and numbers and when the conversation goes that way you could whisk out a helpline card from your wallet and say I recommend these helplines if you need support and someone to talk to, people I know have found them very helpful. Then either escape saying you must dash as you've an appointment (with your peace of mind) or deftly change the subject. If you think that might work?

You obviously have a kind manner that people feel able to share with you   >bighugs<

lankou

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 03:49PM
If it's a situation that has occurred more than once before it might be worth writing out on credit card sized cardboard two or three helpline names and numbers and when the conversation goes that way you could whisk out a helpline card from your wallet and say I recommend these helplines if you need support and someone to talk to, people I know have found them very helpful.

More than once? More like several hundred times. (The vast majority of the troubled people who end up approaching me would not go within miles of any "official" help.)
I can't go into much detail because of confidentiality/legal issues/messing up possible future prosecutions.
(That applies to a significant minority.)

Fiz

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 04:09PM
Don't feel you have to respond or get involved though Lankou if it's affecting your health at all. The fact that these people won't approach helplines is their problem, not yours. If there's no one else to place a burden on, maybe they'll find the strength to reach out to the helplines after all. They might not while others can meet their needs. Hope that makes sense. I'm realising that more recently I don't think I'm explaining what I mean at all well.

ally

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 25 Jul 2018 08:09PM
Perhaps you look the sort of person that others feel safe to offload on.  However, being forced into  a situation where strangers constantly dump their life story on you  could be depressing.  I also seem to attract people who want to confide in me. I had one today who prattled on while I sat next to her on a seat in Morrison's.  I nodded, and smiled, while waiting for my husband. I'm sure she thought I was a wonderful listener.  In reality, I hadnt a clue what she was on about.  The whole time I sat next to her , I was mentally ticking off the shopping list. and, wondering if my husband had remembered the bannannas I wanted.  I could've told her I was deaf, and, she was wasting her time. However, she wasn't interested in me in the slightest.  Some people just have a need to confide in others regardless.  It must be weird  being expected to listen to the  intimate problems and secrets of strangers .  It's something that'll never happen to me.

 

Fiz

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 06:52AM
It's bizarre. The only place I'd share is online with a username that isn't my actual name! The rest of the time in real life I try my best to pretend I'm normal.

lankou

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 08:13AM
Perhaps you look the sort of person that others feel safe to offload on.  However, being forced into  a situation where strangers constantly dump their life story on you  could be depressing. 

Actually it makes me realise my problems are small compared with many others.

huhn

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 09:10AM
 >bighugs< >bighugs< >bighugs< >bighugs< >bighugs<lankou, it looks like you are  same like me, i am always asked when their is a problem to help but nobody thinks of my person. we have to live with it but learn to build a  border around you.

ally

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 09:32AM
I can understand how you feel your problems are small compared to many others.  Years ago I worked in a rehabilitation hospital for those with brain injuries.  Looking at those with devastating strokes, Parkinson's, and head injuries from car accidents etc made me realise the same thing.  I think you must be a very sympathetic, and, undestanding person, to make others  want to confide in you, as they do.  Therefore, you must  have a lot of admirable qualities in your nature,  such as compassion, and, empathy.  That's why strangers reach out, and, confide in you.  Your mum obviously had the same qualities as you do.  The world today is full of people who don't have time for others , It's rare to find someone who can spend time listening  to others, especially strangers. , Therefore, you should embrace who you are, and, your inner strengths.  The world could do with more people like you.
« Last Edit: 26 Jul 2018 09:33AM by ally »

huhn

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 10:43AM
No not my mother, was my grandmothers who where more like this and made everything possible and no problem  was to big enough to be not solved and  both  of them shown  respect to everyone

lankou

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 10:43AM
Seriously though given how I look would you impart very personal details to me and ask for advice:-


ally

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 11:58AM
You have a kind face.  Perhaps you have the sort  of voice that makes others want to offload.  Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with your attire, or, the way you look.  It's what's in your heart that counts.  You must have a big one, to continue listening to other people's problems

KizzyKazaer

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 04:53PM
What Ally said - and love the slogan on the T-shirt  >biggrin<

SteveX

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Re: I am "cursed"

  • on: 26 Jul 2018 08:11PM
Awesome T-shirt and you look like a really nice guy.  :)
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