Crashing

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Fiz

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Crashing

  • on: 13 Feb 2019 12:54PM
More and more I'm finding that if I have an event to deal with like family visiting here for a day or I go somewhere for a day or two or do anything physically and mentally challenging, that I completely 'crash' for a period of days and sleep for 18 hours, can barely get myself to the loo and my body feels like led and I can barely get out of it. I wondered if others do the same and how on earth you cope.

Last Friday was my daughter's graduation ceremony which I wouldn't have missed for the world. It took place about 70 miles away and I can't manage driving more than that without pain getting to me so I drove to my sisters on the Thursday. She's really good and let's me rest and fetches things and picks them up all without me asking and considering we've had an extremely difficult or virtually non-existant relationship all our lives, this is amazing. If one thing good has happened about my spinal problems it's that she's so sympathetic and helpful so it's totally changed our relationship! Every cloud and all that.

Friday I had to set my alarm for very early but anxiety woke me before that, put make up on carefully and as I only wear any rarely that took a while but unusually I was happy with it. Dressed, jewellery and then left to drive to the venue. Because it was rush hour the 30 minute drive took 60 but I found a disabled bay at the side/rear of the venue easily. The rear entrance was for VIP guests but I explained my pain and was immediately walked through from their to the front foyer and after 45 minutes managed to locate dd among the masses because I discovered after no response to my texts for half an hour there is no mobile phone reception in the venue so that wasn't easy. So at 9am I was with her in the foyer, not a chair in sight. All guests were supposed to be seated by 9.30 and the ceremony start at 10am. The people travelling from my home town to the graduation were extremely late which I knew they would be, they arrived at 10.15. No one late is allowed in and dd was refusing to attend the ceremony if they weren't there to see it so things were extremely stressed. Fortunately a lot of graduates didn't even reach the building until 9.30 then had to queue for their gowns and ridiculous hats and the queue snaked around the foyer so the ceremony started at 11am and we were there.

So from 8.30 until 10.30 I was standing in the foyer. Agony doesn't describe it. After the ceremony we queued for professional photos and took our own. The severely disabled child dd cared for professionally having known him from birth was there so he needed peg feeds before and after the ceremony and we gathered around his wheelchair while that was done. Dd had reserved a table at a 5* exclusive restaurant 10 minutes (normal) walk away but they only hold a table for 10 minutes because you need to book a table months in advance to get a table so they can't overrun and we were late so dd and the young lot ran to the restaurant, the 2 rellies walked normally and I can't walk more than slowly at most but had no idea where the restaurant was so had to keep people in view so again the pain was terrible. Managed main course then asked dd if she minded if I left and she said that was fine so I left and cried my way slowly to the car and got drenched as Friday was a washout. Cried for the 30 minutes to my sisters and sat on her stairs inside her door while she fetched my morphine and I took maximum dose.

My sister bless her was in charge of my dogs needs and my dog got daily walks there and I can't walk her so she loves trips to my sisters. Plus she loves my sister's spaniel they literally play all day! After the hour I managed to stand up and go upstairs and into bed. The next day a lie in while my dog was walked then I drove home, fed the dog then let her out for a bit then went to bed. I slept 18 of 20 of the next 24 hours. One morning I forget which my dog cried to go out at 7am but by body was like led and I couldn't move. I felt comatose as if there but not there, partly asleep. At 10am I finally managed to get up and let the dog out, she'd cried the 3 hours it took me to manage it. Today, Wednesday is the first day I've managed to get up and deal with the dog and made myself a cup of tea. I've only had water since returning home by my bed and haven't eaten or made myself a drink at all.

Yesterday a friend called so I did get up and watch a DVD with her and went back to bed as soon as she left. It's probably good she came because I might still be sleeping 18 hours out of 24 hours like since I got home.

This complete energy crash, complete and utter fatigue to the point it's sometimes impossible to get out of bed happens after every event in my life now. This was particularly bad because Friday was exhausting plus I drove both Thursday and Saturday but even my family coming here for 8 hours once a year can do this to me. I don't know whether it's caused by the pain or what. I'm not in pain lying in bed unable to move. I ran out of antidepressants but haven't the energy to drive to the chemist to get them so I've now missed 4 doses.

I really don't know how to manage events or any social thing. It feels so hard to get through at the time and then comes the crash for however many days, it's embarrassing. Except nobody knows about it. I'm embarrassed.

My foster Mum thinks I need a scooter but I explained with motability it's either or a car and not both. A scooter may get me to the shops and back but would get me nowhere else. I couldn't load a motorised wheelchair in or out of a car and I live on my own.

My spine is getting worse. I'm falling more as the messages at times aren't reaching my legs having left my brain. I feel as if I am physically and mentally disintegrated.

Sorry for the total utter whinge but if there are any pointers on how to manage crashes or anything else here I'll ponder any ideas.

Oh, I was SO proud of my dd, she looked amazing and I am really glad I went.

Edited to create more paragraph breaks. I've spotted spelling errors but have no energy to correct!
« Last Edit: 13 Feb 2019 01:02PM by Fiz »

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Crashing

  • on: 13 Feb 2019 05:31PM
>bighugs< I will add more in a while

Congratulations to you and your daughter on her getting her degree. It is so much harder to do these days and I know you mention in the past that she has a career in mind so onward and upward  >star<

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Crashing

  • on: 13 Feb 2019 09:28PM
I'm not surprised you suffered for having to stand for 2 hours, that would test most able-bodied people.  The whole event, though a lovely occasion, sounds like more than I would have been able to even contemplate - but then, I'm not a mum (well done to your daughter, by the way).

You're not alone in having to 'pay' in fatigue etc as the price for any social occasion.  After a day out, I am definitely 'jaded' the next day and have to recover by not doing a lot.  If I miss my daily afternoon sleep, I know all about it.. though what you describe for yourself is obviously far more severe and all I can say is, take the rest you need to get your body and mind back to functioning again.  And try not to miss meals or become dehydrated, this will just mean the whole process becomes even longer.

What I am concerned about right now is you missing your anti-depressant doses - please either get yourself to the chemist somehow or ask your friend to collect your medication.  It really isn't worth you taking the risk of feeling any worse than you are already.

>edited to add
« Last Edit: 13 Feb 2019 09:30PM by KizzyKazaer »

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Crashing

  • on: 14 Feb 2019 10:09AM
My physical limitations often lead to crashing especially on emotional days when I am expected to be able to manage unforeseen situations.

When I was a bridesmaid at my twin brother's wedding me and the other bridesmaids got left behind in the churchyard with a couple of groomsmen and I ended up having to lean on gravestones. When a car finally did arrive and I moved to walk I fell over onto my back with a thud. Then there was the wedding photos at the reception, the meal itself where I had been seated in a area that I could not exit once everyone was seated and eating. The only person I knew who was near me was my new sister in laws brother. I was very pleased for my brother and his knew wife and also for how people enjoyed the reception but much like you Fiz after I did the things I had to do I crashed. Huge pain in my eye and face worse than a migraine. Luckily my Mum's sister attended the wedding and had a room in the hotel so I had a bed to lay on as the pain screamed and my body switched my brain off. A similar thing happened at my oldest brother's wedding on the physical and emotional stress was all the day we arrive in Boston Lincs and the night before the wedding eg lack of food until my sister grabbed us some chips at about 11pm, lack of sleep and a aggressive atmosphere coming from my other sister's inability to cope. I ended up in my hotle room crying my eyes out because of the pain I was in and at missing my brothers wedding . it was like Sunshine failed again.

For me the crashing comes from the physical pain, emotional turmoil and feeling of being judged, and it is not as big as the crash you describe.  
I sometimes think I should paln more and make sure I know what is happening however that can scare me out of trying to do things. One of the reasons I invited friends I made since the move to the Midlands to the wedding is that they all know me as me and are not judgemental whereas my family can be or maybe I feel like they are going to be. I do regret not asking my twin brother's now ex wife her new partner my niece and nephew. Originally the wedding was going to be four people then it grew.

Fiz I hope you are feeling better today and have all the medication you need  >bighugs<

lankou

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Re: Crashing

  • on: 14 Feb 2019 10:26AM
More and more I'm finding that if I have an event to deal with like family visiting here for a day or I go somewhere for a day or two or do anything physically and mentally challenging, that I completely 'crash' for a period of days and sleep for 18 hours, can barely get myself to the loo and my body feels like led and I can barely get out of it. I wondered if others do the same and how on earth you cope.




That is why I live 320 miles away from my nearest relatives.

Fiz

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Re: Crashing

  • on: 14 Feb 2019 11:10AM
Aww lankou the annual family get together is my adult children and grandchildren. This last Christmas I paid for a meal at a local pub (2 meals for 10 type) which made a big difference to the length of the crash afterwards.

Sunshine, your experience sounds harder than mine with a fall on the day it's made me feel grateful that a fall wasn't added into the mix on my day. I guess there's nothing to be done but ride through the crash. I think if there is a future big event that lasts for than a few hours in one day I'll prepare by having some nakd bars or similar in my room so they're right there if I can find the energy to eat them. I literally had to force myself to eat a microwaved ready meal yesterday because I still couldn't face food after all that time.

I managed to pick up meds and took my first antidepressant this morning after a week's break. That may hit me a bit in a week or two. I have lost my sleeping 18 hours and am now struggling to sleep at night again so I guess physically my body has recovered as much as it is able.

When I stay at my sister's without a graduation I find it brilliant because she understands that I can do little and she has a walk in shower so I can get fully clean which I can't here until the DFG gets the bath removed so my shower can be in a wet room instead so that's lovely and I rest on the bed when she dog walks. My daughter wants me to go and stay with her around Easter for 3 days and I don't think she has the understanding of my limitations because it's not just the physical activity, it's the energy drain and fatigue.

I've no idea why it's escalated massively over the last year though it may not be a coincidence that my spinal nerves are more damaged. I've no idea whether that's a connection.