Author Topic: Where is everyone?  (Read 5660 times)


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Re: Where is everyone?
« Reply #15 on: 26 Apr 2019 07:09PM »
I've finally managed to charge my tablet so here I am. I'm hopeful that now it has allowed itself to recharge it will continue to do so.
I've been busy though. My step-mother left me some money when she died which was totally unexpected. The money, not her death. I've spent all of it and have further payments to make on making my garden maintenance free with artificial grass. It really is lovely, I couldn't be happier with it. On Easter Sunday my sister and bil and my 2 nieces came as well as my eldest son, his partner and their two girls and we had a barbecue. Oh and as a total surprise my daughter turned up too! My sister was a brick helping me with food prep and my son automatically set to with barbecuing the meat. I did get a tad sun burnt! My grandaughter is 4 and a half and loved the garden with the play equipment up which two elderly gentlemen from church did for me in the rain on the previous Tuesday! Sunday itself couldn't have gone better. Bliss, and my relationship with my eldest son is definitely healing, bit by bit but in the right direction.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were write offs. The pain was indescribable and I barely managed to move enough to let the dog in and out. Wednesday was the same. Pay off for doing too much mobility wise on the Sunday. Yesterday I managed to wash up the melamine plates, cutlery and plastic glasses from Sunday which felt like a big achievement but I've managed nothing at all today and I could really do with a wash. But oh all this is worth it a hundred times over with how wonderful Easter Sunday was.

I have to tell you half a funny story though. When I'm mentally unwell I disassociate and often lose several days and have no memory of them at all. It's something I find unnerving as I worry where I've been, who I've seen and what I've said. It's not a nice symptom. Well a few weeks back I struggled through a few weeks mentally but got through it. Then a couple of weeks back I received an email thanking me for my job application and CV and they'd like to offer me an interview by conference call and gave the date and time. I sat re-reading it as I had no recollection of applying for any job and the footer on the email was a company I'd never heard of. So I did some Googling to find out about this company, what it is, does etc. You know, quite important things you need to know BEFORE you apply for the job! It's a 3rd sector women's mental health charity and it's a specific project within a 9 month time frame.

So I thought might as well do the interview and got offered the job! To one I have no recollection of applying for. It's voluntary so I won't be paid thought they'll pay my travel on the 5 days in the 9 months when I will need to leave my home. My GP thinks it's achievable but I have a million worries. My pain, though I rarely have to leave my home, mental health crisis and disassociation where I could lose or forget important data or contacts. To me it feels impossible but I have to say the project itself is setting up therapy for women who've experienced trauma with gender based therapy. We've to set it up around the country, amalgamate the amazing progress these women will have made and then take it to parliament to lobby for policy change forcing health trusts to provide gender specific therapy for women who've experienced trauma. I can see why I applied for this despite having no knowledge of doing so. It's very me, something I'm very passionate about and feel is needed. I have no idea what I wrote on the application forms or CV which is a worry but as a person I am very honest so I'm confident whatever I said it would be true and it didn't put them off interviewing me.

I'm worried I'm not well enough to see this through but at the end of the day it's a voluntary role for a charity working for the benefit of women who have mental health problems due to trauma so they should be understanding in my down phases and at the end of the day if I can't do it then that's what I say and I drop out.

So I got a voluntary job I have no recollection of applying for which even I have to admit is funny. My GP thought it hilarious. She's well aware I lose chunks of days when I'm unwell. My brain can't cope with life so it goes on standby.

And my good news is having a garden I never dreamed that I would ever have and way more important than that is my relationships with my family are finally making strides forward.

I'm very much hoping that I have managed to get my tablet charging again so I should be around regularly. So that's where I've been and here I am. Rattling on as usual.


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Re: Where is everyone?
« Reply #16 on: 26 Apr 2019 09:27PM »
You've had a real mixed bag of fortunes then, Fiz - well done for getting the volunteer post even if you can't recall going for it in the first place (good that you can see the funny side of that!)

Quote the end of the day if I can't do it then that's what I say and I drop out.

And be sure to make that a firm commitment to yourself, along with a vow that you won't beat yourself up for not 'staying the distance' if it should come to that - but it may well not as you sound tailor-made for the role.  Just see how it goes, you can't say fairer than that  >thumbsup<