Invisible disabilities

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Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 01 Aug 2019 03:04PM
Sunny,

Thank you for continuing to post it makes me feel less alone in how I think. 


Quote
Four words:  leave, steamer, measles, courage
No one ever explained to me how those questions worked and I can see allsorts of ways of making different answers to that question. For example, measles is a disease and the other three are the odd ones out. Hahaha I have such a odd brain which is okay because I learnt to live with it and understand me better. Of course after I did some Googling and simplified my process I realised leave is the odd one out because it has seven letters.


OTE,

You say a lot but I am not sure you take on board replies that say more than you expect to see. Can we take this off script for a little while. The advantage of having a invisible disability is that a person gets some leeway as to how much they reveal and when. The disadvantage to having a hidden disability is that a person can find themself feeling worse when they ask for help and don't get it. We each have to be careful we dont make assumptions about each others life experience because this can lead  to bad labels. Labels that can lead people to ask derogatory questions like 'Did you explain why you needed help are you sure the person knew you are disabled?

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 01 Aug 2019 09:28PM
The official answer according to the exam board was 'steamer'.  French leave, German measles, Dutch courage.  I remember the question because it made the headlines in the local rag, or rather parental fury over 11 year olds being expected to have heard of Dutch courage and French leave did.

Possible other reasons (besides the number of letters...)

Courage has 'ou' not 'ea'.
Leave is a verb as well as a noun.
Measles is extremely unusual in being both a plural and a singular, and functioning grammatically as both.  You can have a measle (singular), several measles (plural) or [the] measles (singular).

That's just one argument for each and there are, as you'll have found, others.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 01 Aug 2019 09:46PM
As regards what seems to me to be a basic difference between OtE and me on this (assuming I've understood correctly his views), I get the distinct impression his location and lifestyle are different from mine.

I struggle to think of any day when I leave the house when I don't have to explain about my various impairments, including hearing.  Sooner or later, I need to tell people about my hearing, whether it's a shop assistant or a bus driver or someone on reception somewhere.

But different people live different lifestyles, live in different places etc.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 02 Aug 2019 08:51AM
Yes and another factor is when and how a person became disabled. 

OTE.

When I was still working I kept finding the disabled toilet was occupied by an able bodied person so I complain. This led the Facilities Manager to put a sign up that said Consider Disabled People when you use this toilet. He had it in his head that telling abled bodied people not to use the disabled toilet would be discrimination. The stupidity of the situation I was in badly affected me because I could not get the managers at work to listen. After I put in a grievance a specialist in occupational health for disabled people immediately advised that the sign be taken down and that a universal lock of the type lock a RADAR lock was put on the door. I spoke up because I needed to keep my jobbut the thing is I should not have had to, after all I use a wheelchair. In this sort of climate I can see why a person with disabilities would be reserved in asking for help.

Helping disabled people get the help they need could start with the people who are buying goods and services being more open minded and knowledgeable. It can be as simply as adding a suggestion box in reception areas or making sure that buckets and mobs are not stored in the disabled loo.  

I am interested to know if you were in a queue and someone behind you asked if they could go before you would you let them? Now if that same person showed you a laminated card that explained the person had IBS would you let them go ahead of you. Finally if a different person who was in a wheelchair, dressed smartly, and young asked for the same help what would you do?

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 02 Aug 2019 12:12PM
It's difficult, isn't it, all these different aspects?

I've just been ruminating on the 'awareness' thing OtE was (forgive the word) grumbling about.  He obviously hasn't seen my furious scowl when I go to my GP surgery and find yet another display based on this week's trendy condition.  Pink be-ribboned breast cancer awareness displays bother me.  Why?  In the past, I'd have said it was to do with the pink thing, what about men's breast cancer and why do we have to get all 'girly' over breast cancer not over other cancer.

But now I'm thinking that whilst they want the awareness for people to get checked, there is nevertheless that overall tone of "This week, we'll all be terribly aware of such-and-such."

What's the point in, say, a mental health awareness week?  Is it to tell us to seek help the help we need (which, thanks to cuts, probably isn't there) or to be nice to people with 'mental health'?  (Sorry, can't resist my standard growl over 'mental illness' becoming 'mental health' rather than 'mental health problem' or whatever.)

And I very definitely take on board something OtE wrote about clashes between all the different campaigns.

I suppose that's why I'm going for my usual 'try to please everyone' approach of saying wherever possible, let's make things easier for all.

For example, people from elsewhere know I get ranty about loos.  Yes, disabled loos.  But in the context of which sort of conversation?  Don't worry when I say what, just bear with me.  All the fury some women express as regards whether transwomen are real women and should be able to go in "women's spaces".  Often what is cited is loos.

I say I look at local loos in places like shopping centres.  If you got rid of the division between 'men' and 'women' with the separate corridors and separate, often over-sized handwash areas, or as I prefer to call them pointedly 'preening areas', often you could replace them with lots of individual loos in the sense of individual rooms, with a far higher proportion of multifuncion rooms with grab rails, space for a helper, drop down baby/toddler changing shelves and in maybe one in each block an adult changing shelf (probably the wrong term for it).

That approach would be win-win.  Those who complain women have to queue longer wouldn't have to queue so long.  Those who don't want to share with trans-whatever or homo-whatever could stop getting in a flap and just go to the loo.  Those who'd actually like to use the loo at all if only it was suitable would be able to.

Incidentally, I went to a loo in a local supermarket the other day.  Emblazoned with a range of logos all over the door, it was a wonder to behold inside.

Loo with oodles of rails and emergency cord.  Space for wheelchair.  Space for helper.  Both WC and urinal.  Changing surface (though  not big enough for standard adult). 

And you know what?  There were two of them and because they were for everyone, there was no waste of lobby space for male/female separation.

As regards radar keys - I'm all for them, but I only got mine by going online.  I have given keys to two older friends who needed them, one with cancer of her innards, and the other with appalling rheumatism.  Neither knew where to get them.

But I didn't need to prove anything to get them.

On the other hand, if you have a system where you can't get them without proving need, I'm cynical enough to think it'll be as bad as all the other 'assessment' processes we now seem to have for any help if you're in need.

Again, changing societal culture doesn't fix everything, but it's part of it, and at a community level it can be done in unison, not this group versus that group, this condition versus that condition.

Even in an office, whilst a radar key lock is an eminently reasonable thing to want on a loo door, general consideration is the other half of the equation.

Sorry I'm so longwinded at the moment. 
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 04 Aug 2019 09:03PM
This is 'short and sweet' but... folks disabled and non-disabled alike are lucky to find any sort of public loo these days as the cash-strapped councils are closing them all  >erm<

..By the way, I share your irritation about the mangling of words around mental illness. 'Mental health problems' is presumably some half-arsed effort to make the whole business sound less fearsome - perhaps 'mental illness' conjures up too many images of dribbling, ranting, starey-eyed bonkers persons (that's me in a psychotic episode, that is. Well, perhaps not the dribbling)

Though I've just had a thought - and this was going to be a quick post  >lol<  - the above extreme example would represent a very visible disability, whereas 'mental health problems' could be used to cover a broader spectrum of people who are suffering in silence but still outwardly 'functioning' and looking 'normal', so to speak...

>edited to add
« Last Edit: 04 Aug 2019 09:10PM by KizzyKazaer »

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 05 Aug 2019 04:47PM
The main reason we've got no loos where I am is misuse.

We had old-fashioned Victorian loos in much of town, then gradually they were replaced and we had what I think of as tardis loos, which would look roughly oval from above.  They're quite good in terms of layout but since they're self-flushing including the floor, not good if you drop anything.  Ugh.

But people in various of them were using them for shooting up drugs, which was a problem because of needles being left behind, so one after another they've been closed.

I thought the usual method of dealing with that was to use lighting that makes things look blue so that veins don't look a different colour, but presumably the cost of adapting the tardis loos would have outweighed any profit for the private company operating them.  (I don't know quite what the financial arrangements were with the council.)

So people rely mainly on shopping centres, cafés and pubs.  Ironically, round here some of the cafés provide far better loos than the council ever did.

I oscillate between hope that society will improve at various levels on being more disability friendly and thinking it's a lost cause.  I don't know which, all I know is that if we stop fighting, it will definitely be a lost cause so all we can do is each do our bit, even if that's just the odd signature.

Or think about here on Ouch.  Not many members posting, but there are lurkers.  They've been able to read different views, drawing their attention to different aspects of this.  They've discovered that some focus more on a society-wide approach and some more on an individual approach, that some are up-front with needs, and some focus more on letting people get an impression before mentioning any impairments.  So even just posting here can make a bit of a difference.

A bit here, a bit there and who knows?
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

huhn

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 05 Aug 2019 06:19PM
i just found this, intresting, must be done more often.
Dubai: More than 60 children between the ages of 4 and 12 from across the country learnt basic sign language through an initiative by the Ministry of Community Development (MOCD).

The move was aimed at teaching children the basics of sign language and other techniques so they would learn how to communicate with the hearing-impaired.

ally

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 05 Aug 2019 10:50PM
Huhn, my granddaughter lives in Dubai.  She was taught sign language at her school.  She enjoys using it, so, Ive taught her more signs.  Now, we can communicate well.  I've used her as my interpreter on the occasions where I've been unable to follow the conversation.  She also has a good knowledge of deaf awareness, and, is quick to tell someone to face me, and, not cover their mouth,  while trying to talk to me.

Despite petitions over the years to teach sign language at schools in the UK, so far it has yet to happen.  Parents of deaf children have to pay for sign language classes.  The reason being,  that many deaf children have cochlear implants, so, it isn't always necessary.    Personally, I think teaching children sign language in schools, would help to break down the barriers between deaf and hearing.

When I first visited Dubai, I was nervous going through the airport security.  I was amazed when the  young man on security,  in full traditional Dubai kandura attire addressed me in BSL.  I've gone through many airports in the UK.  Not once has any airport staff  used sign language.  My life would be so much easier if the staff could sign.  I'm always whisked away to be patted down, as I can't go through the scanners.  My husband isn't allowed to be with me, and, I struggle to communicate. 

Imagine how much easier life would be for those deaf, if sign language was taught at UK schools, as it is in Dubai.

On the edge

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 06 Aug 2019 11:35AM
As regards what seems to me to be a basic difference between OtE and me on this (assuming I've understood correctly his views), I get the distinct impression his location and lifestyle are different from mine.

I struggle to think of any day when I leave the house when I don't have to explain about my various impairments, including hearing.  Sooner or later, I need to tell people about my hearing, whether it's a shop assistant or a bus driver or someone on reception somewhere.

But different people live different lifestyles, live in different places etc.

I don't claim to have an easier lifestyle.  My area there are people who do very well via systems, others who don't and me who does own thing and via own way regardless.  Its a long background story but basically (! sorry), the only way I was able to address issues were alone and diving in the deep end, obviously the first few (11), years were horrendous, riddled with depression etc,then I suppose some 'light bulb' came on and indicated the only way was through myself.  Ask any psychiatrist this is the only remedy they offer anyway, I just cut out the middle man/woman/whoever.

Instead of avoiding difficult situations, and taking time out, letting a few others help/take the strain, I went straight into these situations deliberately.  I'm sure most areas (Including fellow disabled), thought me crazy even aggressive at times, I just thought, what have I to lose? 

I am intolerant at times, I don't aspire to the 'accept everyone/everything' gig, either, which is an honest declaration we are all human too and don't hold a higher moral ground.  There are disabled I don't like, non-disabled I don't,  I am sure others who don't like me too, but this is the world.  I try not to go at people on a personal level.  You can not be held responsible for how everyone takes everything as everyone will have a different take on it.

Of course, we are ALL different in how we got to whatever point we are now at.  The mistake is assuming as yours didn't get there the same way, you have to disagree with it, in essence, it suggests we AREN'T accepting of diversity no matter what view we suggest to everyone else, problem is, it forces us to face reality, a lot are trying to avoid that.  Online you can be a Saint if you want.

Due to complaint, have edited the post so no longer in bold font - KK
« Last Edit: 06 Aug 2019 09:15PM by KizzyKazaer »

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 06 Aug 2019 02:41PM
Since this thread has now turned to 'shouting' in bold, I'll leave it to posters with better vision than mine to continue the conversation.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 06 Aug 2019 09:18PM
Hi Sunny

I wasn't sure how the bold font would be received so did not take immediate action (posts made in capitals are known to be read as 'shouting' so get edited straight away;  I've also amended long posts without paragraph breaks.) As you've effectively complained about the bold, I've now removed it - hope you can continue to participate in the thread.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 06 Aug 2019 09:32PM
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Of course, we are ALL different in how we got to whatever point we are now at.

Indeed - and we are also all very different in how we deal with the realities of our present situations.  I think it's important to be tolerant of that as well.

Ally, I agree about sign language being taught in UK schools - if it's good enough for Dubai, why not for us here?

huhn

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 07 Aug 2019 07:30PM
i remember my children  had sign language in  Abu  Dhabi 20 years ago, they  learned it in the primary the alphabet. I think sometimes that Europe is  only seeing money savings short term and  are not welcoming new ideas. i remember  few years ago an report about integration of blind people in Africa. They were talking that the blind have in different countries  there own radio station and do everything and this one is not only for the blind community, it was pointed out that the radio stations are main stream ones.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Invisible disabilities

  • on: 08 Aug 2019 12:41AM
Quote
Online you can be a Saint if you want.

??

(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)