Robbing Peter to pay Paul

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Robbing Peter to pay Paul

  • on: 06 Apr 2012 12:30PM
This is a story about two people, Peter and Paul - and an evil bean-counter, lets call him Ian.  You may have heard this story before (or get the jist very quickly), but be careful, Ian puts out his own version of this story which is very different, and makes him sound like a Saint or Saviour - but this from Peter's perspective, as he hasn't got the strength to tell his story himself, or a PR team, or a huge pile of beans he can use to defend and better himself.

Peter was poor, and also very sick - and a doctor declared he was not fit work, and may never be again, so he wrote to Ian to get help to support himself.  Ian was very busy, and took a long time to respond, and also asked for more information several times, which Peter found very taxing, which worsened his health.  Eventually Ian wrote back and offered just a few beans a month that would barely cover Peters bills and groceries, and the beans came with pages of small print and many strings attached, but Ian kept his side of the contract and sent Peter a few beans every other week - Peter was pleased - well, relieved - and slept peacefully for the first time in a while (well, as peacefully as you can with constant pain that is).   Days, weeks, months went past, and Ian kept sending beans as promised - which was welcome, but Peter found the few things he paid out for were getting more and more expensive, beanflation was rising, and the few beans he had were no longer enough anymore - Ian didn't care though, his own personal bean-pile was growing every day and so he couldn't understand why Peter was complaining, and blamed Peter for not doing more with his beans - like investing in some medical companies - and suggested Peter went elsewhere for beans, by getting better overnight and earning his beans from the private sector - despite the limited job vacancies caused by a lack of beans generally.  But Peter was a weak and frail chap, he didn't put up a fight, or get better by himself, he just mostly sat staring at the wall all day trying to remember if there was some point to his existence, and took his tablets as required - these didn't really work, and his doctor only gave him them because the medicine bean-counter that came round now and then slipped a few beans his way if he kept handing them out).

Peter grew more and more frail, and Ian more and more cruel.  Soon Peter was laying in bed all day, which annoyed Ian greatly as he was obliged to give Peter more beans - though Peter needed to pay a carer some beans so he wasn't actually any better off.  It turned out there were millions of other bean-scroungers out there, all just sitting/laying/dying around being lazy, pretending to be ill, and generally not doing anything constructive with their lives, so he was told to stop wasting huge numbers of beans on them and instruct them to find private bean providers from now on, apart from the really really bad cases that his PR team suggested might cause him to lose his job (though his bean pile would be unaffected, and future beans assured, which he was fortunate to hear).  He set about sharpening his axe, gathered his PR team, and used a big chunk of his bean-pile (well, not his technically, but thats what he likes to think) to give to his friend, a private 'medical' bean-collector, who would line up all the bean-scroungers and inspect them, grill them, poke them with a stick - find out if they could do something useful other than scrounge-beans (most couldn't even scrounge-beans by themselves, and needed help to do so, but this made no difference).   Ian made a big announcement to fellow bean-counters that he would be saving them many beans, and they all clapped and cheered - and sneered at bean-scounger stories that Ian 'recalled' to justify his plans.  Without much resistance, sense of morality, or intervention from God, his great plan (for bean-counters) worked, and there were hundreds of thousands of bean-scroungers, that doctors and medics had declared too sick to work, were all suddenly declared fit for work, as if by some miraculous (or right-wing extremist) magic!   Ian's executionist friends were really chuffed, after all, they were not only saving loads of beans but also gaining beans for themselves faster than they knew what to do with them - and they sneaked Ian some beans now and then to say thank you - they were all rubbing their hands together and feeling very smug.   Nobody really knows what happened to Peter after his beans were stopped - Ian said he no longer had his details on file and that was probably working now (because it was that simple). [I felt it too too tragic and upsetting, especially for those affected by real events, to say anything more than that]  :-(

I should go on to talk about Paul in great detail, like Peter, but all you need to know is he is quite bigotted, nasty, and hates seeing beans wasted - and loves everything Ian, and his friends, have to say.  Paul has lots of friends very similar to himself, working very hard, earning lots of beans, and paying lots of bean tax (though bean tax evasion/avoidance was rife amongst them) - they were also, mostly, incredibly smug with their comfortable lives, large houses, and holidays abroad each year.  There were even bean-harvesters, called bankers, who did very well indeed from those with modest bean-piles - usually taking more beans from them than they gave back (all perfectly fair and legal though) - and were paid huge bean-bonusses over and over, even when beans were being lost left right and centre.  Ian's bean-counting friends loved bean-harvesters, and harvested beans themselves, but this will always be denied.  Eventually, the bean-harvests dried up, bean crops failed, and bean-harvesters lost huge piles of beans - not even generating beans by magic worked - so bean-harvesters stopped giving beans out.  The useless bean-pushers at the top were blamed and people voted for changed - but most bean-lovers didn't really think about it what was best for everyone, and so it was a coalition of two bean-pushing groups was cobbled together to 'run' things -  they normally hated each other, and had radically different ideas, but suddenly they found common ground and the two leaders got on very well (two beans from the same pod, it turned out), and one stood by the other no matter how vile and stupid the other one got, even if they pretended to have opposing views now and then.  Getting back to Paul, he loved this collusion, all his favourite self-benefiting policies in one place!  Paul, and the other wealthy bean-harvesters, were doing quite well, despite the lack of beans globally - but the collusionists felt they deserved more beans, and set about finding an easy bean store to raid.  It turned out, as Ian found out, that billions of bean tax beans were being giving away to bean-scroungers who claimed to be poorly, or broken, and therefore were not earning their beans by working - which infuriated Paul and his friends, and they made a big fuss, and threatened to evade or avoid bean tax even more unless something was done.  It worked, Ian was told to stop handing out billions of beans to bean-scroungers who had been lied to by doctors and medical people, and were fit to work after all, who would of guessed it was that simple.  Paul, and his friends, loved this, they felt vindicated, their voice heard - they kept thinking about all the beans that they helped save from wastage.

Ok, now comes the robbery bit - took a while I know.  All these wealthy bean-tax payers felt a little reward would be nice for pointing out where all those billions of beans were going.  Some of them got together and said they were struggling with the amount of bean tax they were obliged to pay, some had even avoided/evaded some of it because they were so hard up.  They were worried they may have to go without some of the things they took for granted, or that their bean pile might be eroded in some way - enough was enough!  They wrote a stern letter to the collusionists, and that was that - a few days later, by sheer coincidence, it was time for the great bean-budget, and it was suddenly announced that that top rate of bean tax would be reduced (for bean-collecting corporations too)!   There was much champagne and wine drunk that night, by Paul and his friends - whilst the bean-scroungers, and those with few beans left, felt very different, they felt robbed.  Those like poor old Peter felt especially robbed, mugged in fact - they lost their future beans completely, an had no means to earn beans - all just so Paul could add even more beans to his already bulging bean pile!

So there you go, Peter was robbed to pay Paul.  Paul knows exactly who to vote for at the next election!  And so do others like Peter - if they get the chance to vote again :-( 

Dic Penderyn

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Re: Robbing Peter to pay Paul

  • on: 16 Apr 2012 07:04PM
Or if you rob Peter to pay Paul you will always have the support of Paul.
Be careful in what you wish for, God has a sense of humour