finally! : Domestic abuse to include non-violent control

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Otter

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-19640257

they are calling a spade a spade, though its too late for many :-(



edit I added more description to the title for the thread > Sunshine
« Last Edit: 22 Sep 2012 04:49PM by SunshineMeadows »

devine63

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Re: finally!

  • on: 20 Sep 2012 12:48AM
Agreed!    Good they are extending the definition to include psychological abuse.

regards, Deb

Fiz

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It's all rubbish really. The definition of DV within any field dealing with it has always included emotional and psychological abuse and takes that as seriously as any physical abuse. Now it's added to the legal definition which in theory should give the Police and CPS more powers to take action against this type of abuse. But and it's a big but, how on earth do you prove it? It will be very interesting to see if the Police and CPS ever take any legal action on these grounds. I suspect this will make little or no difference to anything. It would be so lovely if the Government could provide some money for recovery services for victims/survivors.

devine63

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Hi

how do you prove psychological abuse?   A thorough psychological interview identifying the resulting symptoms would be some evidence.   Add to that the victim's account, any witnesses who may have seen / heard some aspects of the abuse, etc..   As is often the case: where there is little other evidence it may come down to whom the Jury finds most convincing & plausible - and that's not always the perpetrator, however good their act!
regards, Deb

Fiz

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I personally don't think I could risk it, it would kill me if it ended up as not guilty. I met up with an old friend this week and she is a Detective in the Rape section of the Police and we talked about whether I should disclose in the future. I just know I couldn't. I'm not sure what it would achieve either, I just need some therapy and need to move on. My xh is a master maniupulator and everyone believes him. It amazes me that some people have found out he's told major lies and they still believe what he says after that. I can't fight something like that. For me this legislation means nothing.

devine63

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Hi Fiz

I would argue that the legislation gives you the choice - and you have exercised your choice and decided not to act as a witness or to ask for a prosecution, which is entirely your right.   I hope some other women will feel able to make other choices.
regards, Deb

Otter

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my take on this was its in the public sphere finally! not just for the victims, but the monsters reponsible. I have encountered 3 men now (not relatives) who have threatened me with explicit vile assault over long periods of time and a further two who have managed it and with all is the belief no one is going to do anything about this as there is no exacting legalisation... until now

I also know in the case of all 5, I am not the only victim and the average number of people, these people attack before they are placed behind bars is 160. I am relieved we now have exacting legalisation.

(amended to add warning triangle as requested by Otter - KK)
« Last Edit: 23 Sep 2012 09:47PM by KizzyKazaer »

Otter

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Kizzy, you may need to put a warning triangle up on this post

Otter

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Fiz,
those saying they believe him, are doing so because, they knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it. They are confirming their guilt, not belief in your xh.
Otter

KizzyKazaer

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For the post above it - sorted.

My xh is a master maniupulator and everyone believes him.


I had the misfortune to run into someone like that once, and not be taken seriously regarding the 'mind games' he was playing with me - as it was known I had mental health problems, that was used to invalidate me further, and not just by the perp.  'Oh, she must be deluded, taking it the wrong way, he's such a nice person...'  Fortunately, a few others saw through this creep and although there was nothing concrete I could present to any 'authorities' as such, it was enough that I had a handful of people who could confirm I wasn't 'just imagining it'.   

In Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder terms, the act of being dismissed and negated by those who could have helped, is called 'secondary wounding' - oh, how accurate.

This lack of credibility that seems to go with having a mental illness would make it difficult when it comes to the legal stuff, I would think, if there are existing MH issues prior to any psychological abuse - and sadly, the very people who have those prior issues are seen as fair game by the controlling and bullying manipulator types.  If you have one in your life, your only hope is to get rid - permanently.


(edit - added my own triangle as relating personal experience;  just to be on safe side)
« Last Edit: 23 Sep 2012 10:08PM by KizzyKazaer »

bulekingfisher

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Hello Fiz

It sounds like you are been apatheicl (giving up before you have given the scheme a chance) one of it's componets might be useful (never judge a book on it's cover)

NeuralgicNeurotic

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For the post above it - sorted.

My xh is a master maniupulator and everyone believes him.


I had the misfortune to run into someone like that once, and not be taken seriously regarding the 'mind games' he was playing with me - as it was known I had mental health problems, that was used to invalidate me further, and not just by the perp.  'Oh, she must be deluded, taking it the wrong way, he's such a nice person...'  Fortunately, a few others saw through this creep and although there was nothing concrete I could present to any 'authorities' as such, it was enough that I had a handful of people who could confirm I wasn't 'just imagining it'.   

In Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder terms, the act of being dismissed and negated by those who could have helped, is called 'secondary wounding' - oh, how accurate.

This lack of credibility that seems to go with having a mental illness would make it difficult when it comes to the legal stuff, I would think, if there are existing MH issues prior to any psychological abuse - and sadly, the very people who have those prior issues are seen as fair game by the controlling and bullying manipulator types.  If you have one in your life, your only hope is to get rid - permanently.


(edit - added my own triangle as relating personal experience;  just to be on safe side)

Oh Kizzy, how I can identify with that! >bighugs< Wasn't able to escape my own nightmare of a partner for 10 years, during which time I was dismissed as 'unstable' or 'imagining it' due to my MH conditions. Most people thought my ex was wonderful. :-(

KizzyKazaer

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NN - fortunately I was not in a 'partner' relationship with the individual I described above; he basically set himself up to be like, well, a mentor/counsellor/father figure type of thing.  Which led to me 'attaching' to him with complete trust and confiding in him all sorts of personal things ... which were then used against me to whittle away at what little self-esteem I had.  It was strictly psychological warfare and initially so subtle that I didn't see what was going on - it took someone from 'outside' to warn me because he had 'form' elsewhere for this sort of below-the-radar bullying behaviour.  Anyway, he's someone I can happily forget and I know I'll never be taken in like that again...

These 'serial bully' types often have psychopathic tendencies - one of which includes an ability to hide from others what they're doing to their victims and to present a totally plausible and convincing 'false front'.   If caught out and challenged, the rage is incredible (as I found out for myself) followed by attempts to 'discredit the witness' - as you found out too, NN. 

But, even if they seem to have got away with it, the biggest blow you can deliver to them is to rebuild your life and be happy again despite the poisonous legacy they left you with.  For those who feed their (over-inflated) egos from others' misery and humiliation, that's the greatest 'up yours' that there is  >biggrin<

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Agreed. I'm a firm believer in the idea that the 'best revenge is to live well'.

KizzyKazaer

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And I've just realised that I went a bit off-topic there because my experience wasn't domestic abuse... but it just goes to show how other types of abusive relationships between adults can be destructive in their own way, like bullying at work and harassment from nasty neighbours.  I think that the more open people can be about all forms of bullying, the more we can learn from each other to help protect ourselves in the future!  Knowledge is power  >thumbsup<