Author Topic: Working with support workers.  (Read 3087 times)

nualawatt

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Working with support workers.
« on: 24 Jul 2013 02:50PM »
This may seem a silly question but is there a polite way to ask a talkative adult to be quiet? I have two support workers, who I see on alternate weeks for twelve hours a week. One is lovely, and the other is lovely but talks continuously. I am relatively sociable but find constant talk difficult. It's hard to be sociable for four hours straight with someone who is not your friend, your partner or your family. I hope that doesn't sound bad. And I would really appreciate some peace and quiet Thanks Nuala

lankou

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #1 on: 24 Jul 2013 02:55PM »
Shut the **** up, always works for me.

But then I have this patch sewn to my hat:-


seegee

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #2 on: 24 Jul 2013 05:39PM »
 >lol< lankou >biggrin<

Nuala, I wonder if something like "don't feel you have to make a huge effort to be chatty for me, I'm quite comfortable being quiet sometimes/most of the time" might work; suggesting that you think she's actually trying too hard & could relax a little bit, rather than that you find her continuous tattle tiring.  ;-)
If she's thinking of you (as she should be), that might get the message across that you don't need conversation all the time.
Worth a try maybe? 

If it doesn't work, could you manage to "zone out" & just stop listening sometimes? 
If she realises you're not taking it in, she might give up being chatty all the time & stick to mostly important communications (if you think it's rude to not listen, it's at least equally rude to keep on talking even when the other person is clearly tired & not responding).  >dove<

Peggythepirate

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #3 on: 24 Jul 2013 05:51PM »
Quote
is there a polite way to ask a talkative adult to be quiet?
Nualawatt
I'm sure it's worth trying the earlier suggestions, but, in my experience, people who just chatter on as you describe have no idea they're doing it and can't understand how annoying it can be.

Quite likely the best tactic will be to develop your own way of coping, be it to shut your eyes, hum, read a book or just try and 'rise above it'.

Yvette

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #4 on: 24 Jul 2013 08:13PM »
Continual chatter makes me ill -physically, mentally and emotionally.  And there is no way I can 'rise above it' as I do not have the ability to do so.

If you are unable to 'rise above it' (because if you were, you probably wouldn't be asking for a way to ask her to be quiet) I can well and truly understand what you are going through.

Hopefully, amongst the posts in this thread you will find a suggestion which helps you  to address the situation with her, but unfortunately if she 'is' the type of person who is incapable of being quiet, then you may eventually have to consider finding another support worker.

If it affects you as badly as I suspect it may (otherwise you would not have started this thread), you will need to explain to her during your discussion that if she does not change you will have to find another worker so she realises the seriousness of the situation.

From another angle, how did you find your support workers?  If they came from an agency could you ask the agency to explain to  the worker how she is affecting you?

Or perhaps ask your Social Worker (if you have one) to address the situation with the support worker.




Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #5 on: 24 Jul 2013 10:51PM »
When our cleaner comes on a Thursday I do spend a lot of my time chatting to her, initially to mention what needs doing but then chit chat about life. Both of us on different occasions have realised we are chatting too much and slowing down any work getting done and once one of us mentions it I find the next week will be less chatty.

For me it is difficult to be in a room with someone else and not chat, so I worked out that I chat for a bit when the cleaner gets here then when she is doing the shower room I go in the sitting room, when she does the dusting and cleaning in the sitting room we chat again, but once the hoover comes out chat stops again. If the support worker is there to do personal care and so you have to be in the same room how about just putting the radio or a cd on to break the silence with the sort of noise you can better cope with. Wherever I am in the house I usually have music or the tv on.

I guess when it comes to your support worker it is a matter of getting a balance of chat to know chat, because I dont think saying the person should not chat at all will work. It would make the worker overly self conscious and maybe nervous. In my experience a nervous person is more likely to babble on.

devine63

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #6 on: 25 Jul 2013 01:36AM »
Hi

I think Seegee's suggestion is worth a try; if that doesn't work and you can tolerate the noise - then you could put music or TV on.   

You could also say something like "Jane, I do appreciate that you are trying to be friendly, and you don't mean to be difficult, but actually I find it rather wearing to have someone else chat continuously because I feel like I have to work hard to find replies and new topics of conversation.  I really am very happy for you to work quietly most of the time you are here.  BUt if you do this, do remember to spend a few minutes in conversation at the start of each visit and reward her (just a big smile and a "thank you for working quietly, that was much easier today") if she gets it right.

Ultimately, if this persists you may need to have a word with her boss (do ensure you say what she does well, too) and perhaps they can explain to her why chatting too much is difficult for some clients.
regards, Deb

bubble

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #7 on: 25 Jul 2013 08:25AM »
I've been trying to think about this,  as I chat because I'm nervous and find silence if I have a visitor awkward so I fill in the gaps. Then I wear myself out having to talk.
How about when support worker comes you say something like,  I don't feel like chatting today as I'm not feeling very well so at least that will start the ball rolling and hopefully she may be more understanding next time and so on.
At least that way you may not have to say directly. If that doesn't work you may have to speak to her boss.

All the best I understand how this winds you up.

Glummum

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #8 on: 25 Jul 2013 09:25AM »
yes this happens here to us sometimes, one of the assistants continually chatters really loud and we know everything about her family and who said what to who etc. Of course its the usual story of meaning well but this sort of thing is another training issue. But that would wear you down having to talk all the time when you just want the choice not too. At the start when carers and PA's came into our house I talked to them all, but realised that I had better stop it because it was eating into all our time and privacy as well so I have gradually retreated to another room. I must say though that most of the assistants we have are very good, they can read the situation and don't chitter so much. It is difficult, sometimes humour might work too to make  a subtle hint to start with. Good luck x

JLR2

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #9 on: 25 Jul 2013 01:10PM »
Just a wee suggestion, how about putting a pair of headphones on plugged into a cd player or your hifi unit?  You needen't listen to anything but it would send a little hint to whoever's doing the chatting.

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #10 on: 25 Jul 2013 01:12PM »
Continual chatter makes me ill -physically, mentally and emotionally.  And there is no way I can 'rise above it' as I do not have the ability to do so.

Yvette, this is the impact that continual noise and chatter has on me also.  >hugs<

I don't have paid carers or a PA as yet, but one of my mates who has been calling regularly for the last few weeks could talk at an Olympic level, and just doesn't understand he's doing it. Where necessary, I'll beetle off to the toilet to give myself a break - I have a hyperactive bladder anyway, so most of the time I'm not being dishonest, and everyone I know is used to just how long long the process of hobbling to and from the bathroom, and activities therein can take, so it's a good strategy. I've also been known to suddenly need something from the shop, or washing to be pinned out/brought in, and could he possibly oblige. I feel genuinely terrible for doing this, because he's one of the nicest, kindest people I know, and I'm very, very lucky to have such good, trustworthy and helpful friends, but sometimes the constant chatter is just beyond unbearable. :-(   

My befriender is also talkative by nature, but there are different circumstances involved. As she is from an official body I didn't feel so bad about stating my needs in this respect when we had our 'getting to know you' interview. Her daughter has an MH condition, so she has personal experience of some of the issues involved, and knows that when I say I need a break from noise, I really, really mean it.

I think that anyone who is dealing with paid carers would be perfectly entitled to ask for a bit of peace and quiet. The carer is, after all, there to help with your needs, and if this is included, then so be it. It's an awkward thing to have to do, because the potential to hurt someone's feelings is involved, but perhaps if you make it clear that you honestly like the person in general, but this is just something you find difficulty in dealing with, an understanding can be reached.

I wish anyone dealing with this situation the very best of luck >hugs<

Yvette

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #11 on: 25 Jul 2013 03:54PM »
sometimes the constant chatter is just beyond unbearable  >hugs<


starsmurf

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #12 on: 25 Jul 2013 04:19PM »
One of my carers has a problem with too much input.  She identified with a lot of the symptoms when she read my "All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome" book (we both like cats and she's interested in AS).  She was in town the other day when it was really hot and sunny, her boyfriend was talking to her and two groups of people were talking loudly.  She works as a support worker to people with all sorts of issues including drug and alcohol issues.  She said the two groups looked like they had those issues (symptom wise, eg pupil size, track marks, and what they were saying).

She found the heat, light and noise overloaded her and she started screaming "Shut up! You all sound so minky!"  Her poor boyfriend thought they'd get stabbed.  He had to get her into a cool, dark quiet place to calm her down.  Thankfully the groups seemed to think she was talking to her boyfriend.

My carer's familiarity with this issue means we both chat but have a system to say "overlading!" so the other knows to shut up.  It works well  >biggrin<  Could you try something like that Nualawatt?  Otherwise JLR2's suggestion about the headphones could be useful, especially if they're noise-cancelling ones.
Look carefully at the avatar, note what's barely visible in the gap in the rings.  I've highlighted it for you.

Yvette

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #13 on: 25 Jul 2013 05:08PM »
I can't cope with lots of people being around me.  And as for the noise lots of people make, it is dreadful.

I never wear my hearing aids when I am out as I just couldn't cope with the overload.

Whenever I am in a shopping centre I put in earplugs to reduce the overwhelming noise - which is multiplied many times over by the echoes in high vaulted shopping centres with several floors.  >yikes<

I always keep earplugs in my bag - I find the silicone or wax ones better than foam.

Monic1511

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Re: Working with support workers.
« Reply #14 on: 25 Jul 2013 08:13PM »
I work with one lady who in my opinion suffers from verbal diarhoea (VD) >lol<,  in my last office we had 2 staff with this condition and I used to turn the radio up to try & zone them out.  problem is in this office we are not allowed a radio as we don't have a public licence,  I end up with a migraine & become really crabbit. :-(

I would put on music & say to the support worker with VD "could you speak quieter please I'm trying to listen to the music"

 >chocolate< >dove<
Monic