Entitled to help with just shopping?

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Fiz

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Entitled to help with just shopping?

  • on: 25 Sep 2013 07:22PM
I talked to someone today who is concerned about a parent. The other parent has now been kept in hospital for their safety as their dementia is so advanced. The remaining parent is very angry and abusive to their daughter (always has been). The parent remains at home and is self caring but can't mobilise enough to get out of the house and shop for what she needs. The daughter has severe depression and her visits to the house to take the shopping and the abuse she receives when she is there, and the stress of seeing her angry or crying mother leaves her unable to manage her emotions or care for her own young children and her depression has worsened considerably.

Am I right in thinking that if the only need is for someone to do the shopping, the social services will not assess and organise for this? That there has to be other needs?

I can see the results of this situation either being the parent being forced into a home even though she is self caring in all ways just because she can't do her own shopping, or her daughter having a complete bnreakdown and ending up in hospital herself.

Silverstar

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Hi

Age Concern offer a shopping service, you have to pay but I think it is quite reasonable. Is the reason the parent cannot shop due to mobility reasons or because she has not transport? If the latter then many areas offer elderly or disabled people a mini bus that will take them and bring them from the supermarket, in our area they take them to Morrisons.

Also some supermarkets now offer a service whereby you shop in-store but the shopping is taken by a driver to the address you want to delivered to (Iceland is one). If the daughter could manage the shopping but not have to take it to her mother that might be a compromise. I shop online as I am unable to cope with supermarkets, is that an option? Could the daughter order online and get it delivered to her mum?

Fiz

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The mother's mobility is not good enough to do more then move around the house really. Atm a dementia support worker collects her and takes her to medical appointments, even though the supporter was originally allocated to the father and he is now permanently in hospital, this worker is only helping her temporarily so at some stage she will need help with that too. The mother lives an outdated life in many ways and she can't leave messages on the daughters answerphone, something the daughter has tried when she's been too low or distressed to answer calls. She would still need to communicate what she wants from the shop and when she wants it to the daughter and I think that is causing a lot of stress. The mother has always been abusive towards the daughter and they've been estranged for years only recently having contact as the daughter was made aware of her fathers need for support and deteriorating health and she's been supporting him. Relationship not helped as it was clear the father needed to be in hospital or in care for his safety and the mother refused and literally screamed and held on to him and the police had to be called. Legal processes have gone ahead and now the father is detained for his safety, daughter and two siblings supported this and the mother is very angry. Seeing things from the mothers pov she must be lonely, they've been married 50 years and she'll be lonely.

Thanks, I will tell her about Age concern and see whether she can contact them. I think the daughter feels incredibly guilty and that she should be doing more, but she is not well herself and the relationship was already broken and she was abused by her mother as a child and young adult.